Strange friendship

[Whatshouldido94]

Hi,

just wanted some advise on this situation?
Ive been really good friends with this girl for years, she was my best friend. We got on really well and every time we met up I always felt good after seeing her.
I started feeling like she only wanted to see me if nobody else was free and sometimes after planning to meet she would stand me up and blank my messages for weeks.
I tried really hard with her as I loved our friendship.
when I was pregnant last year I heard from her only once and then when my daughter was born she never said congratulations or bothered to meet my baby. I know she really wanted a baby of her own so thought it was because of this.
I tried to continue the friendship but eventually she just stopped replying. Now she’s messaged me saying “hey I miss you” and she’s now pregnant and wants me to come to her gender reveal. I think mentally I cut her off months ago as I didn’t think the friendship was working and it was actually making me pretty sad that she couldn’t be bothered with me. I’m genuinely happy for her thats she’s having a baby but I think she wants me to share her happy news but she wasn’t there for me when I was in her situation? Do I just wish her well and Gradually stop replying?

I think you should trust your feelings and do what is best for you. You don't owe her anything after she treated you so poorly and abandoned you when you needed her. You can wish her well and gradually stop replying, or you can tell her honestly how you feel and why you don't want to be friends with her anymore.

Personally I wouldn't bother. Go with your gut feeling though.

She basically ghosted you. Doesn't sound like much of a friend.

I probably wouldn't respond, but what you've suggested sounds like a good option too. Generally speaking I wouldn't give her more than what she's given you.

I'd be worried she'd do it again

Ignore and block. I think she’s treated you poorly.

That's very shitty behaviour on her part. She's not a friend at all. If you cut her off mentally months ago then just stuck with it. The same things will happen again and you will always feel sad. Just block her and carry on with your life.

wants me to come to her gender reveal.

Shes making up numbers is all.

I’d congratulate her on her pregnancy and then block her.

Just ghost her, like she done to you

I'd just reply "Sorry can't attend, we're a bit busy at the moment. Hope it all goes well" then not reply any more. I think it's a bit rude to just ghost her, but I wouldn't get involved with her again if that is now she treats her friends.

Ghost her x

I wouldn't ghost her as it sounds like fertility issues might have influenced the latter part of her backing off. You should definitely do what is right for you and if you feel this ship has sailed then that is fine. You tried and she didn't.

Maybe a message like 'hi Jane. Nice to hear from you and congratulations. I'm pretty booked up around that time (of the baby shower) but hope it goes well. Take care'. Polite enough so theres no bad blood you see her around or she wants to explain herself but I think makes it clear that she left you hanging and you're not looking to be picked back up again.

Send a reply that says wishing you and little one well. I’m not available to meet up at the moment. Lots going on. Looking forward to hearing your good news. Take care.

Do nothing. Don't even extend her the courtesy of a reply when she has ignored your messages more than once.

I don’t think I’d even reply.

Its almost like she’s saying “I don’t mind being friends with her now I’m having my own baby”

I hate flakey friends! Not spoken to my “best friend” in years cause she used to carry on like this.

I'm sure this was posted before.

This is exactly how I feel.

my DD was my second pregnancy and I think it bothered her that i was pregnant again before her. Ghosting me and then wanting to meet again has been happening on/off for years but I always ignored it and wanted to meet her again because I genuinely liked her and wanted her in my life.
The last time I spoke to her was in March because I tried to arrange to meet again a couple of days later it was my DD’s 1st birthday and I didn’t hear from her.
I mentally cut her off then and decided I didn’t want to see her again. Then when she messaged me yesterday I did say “congratulations on your pregnancy “ after that I’ve not replied. Her message has been left on read.
I’ve got no intention of attending her gender reveal and I’m definitely not going to give in and meet her again. I feel so mean but it’s exactly how she’s treated me.

Yes probably that too

Thank you everyone for the replies and advise x

I would either - not reply at all. Just delete and block.
Or I would reply and explain how you felt when she ignored you etc. How it feels to be treated as a fair weather friend.
But delete and block would be easier. I dont think shes really worth your time and angst bothering to bother with.

She doesn't sound like much of a friend, and not worth much of your time or emotional investment. It sounds as though your instinct is to wish her well and stay back from her, and I think that's right.

I've got a friend just like that. Arrange to meet for breakfast and she has already eaten or won't eat because she is meeting someone for lunch. Cancels last minute if she gets a better offer or is always about 10 minutes away. She will ring with this approximate arrival time but by the time she actually arrives its over an hour late. Clever tactic because if she said she is running late by an hour she knows I won't stay but by doing it in small increments, I stay because I think she is just around the corner.

This behaviour used to wind me up but now I have seen that she is a fair weather friend who only appears when it suits her. I play her at her own game and only meet if it suits me. I realise I have more genuine friends and family who I want to share my time with.
I would politely congratulate her, wish her well but say you are not available as its such a busy time at the moment. You don't owe her anything.

Definitely wants high numbers for the Instagram photos. Ignore her!

One rule for you and another for her - ah the old toxic friendship curse strikes again. I’d message to say congrats, but would say I’m not able to attend the shower. Just tell her you have other plans made or you’re busy on that day or whatever. Why should you bow down now to her after what she did to you? If you have mentally detached already, and you’re happy with her absent from your life, then keep it so. Anyone who can’t celebrate your success and happiness ( when you were pregnant) is not really a friend at all.