Sorry if this is long...
Dh finally went to the Dr last week about a minor health problem that's been annoying him for a while but he wasn't overly concerned about.
He's come home saying the Dr gave him a full MOT and while we knew he was slightly overweight he was shocked to discover his blood pressure is dangerously high. He has another appointment in two weeks time to go back and see how it is then and decide what happens from here.
Obviously we will be making lifestyle changes, we used to go to the gym together loads but since covid we've both gained weight, been eating and drinking too much and not taking enough exercise. I know we can make changes to sort out the physical side of things.
The problem is dh has always been an "on edge" person. He's very highly strung, always in fight or flight mode and his whole life is like living in a pressure cooker.
Probably not very surprising to hear he was in the forces, has been to some awful places and seen some awful things and lost people while away. The Dr said his dangerously high blood pressure could be caused by stress and I think this is something he really needs to address and get help for.
It's often like he still feels he needs to be in protection mode for me and the kids all the time even when out shopping or being in the car etc. I think I always excused it more while he was still in the forces but he's been out a couple of years now and I'm increasingly concerned about how he is.
My problem is dh won't tell the Dr that there seems to be an underlying problem with his mental health. He still thinks that being effected by the things he seen makes him weak. Dh thinks life is stressful as we both work full time while raising a family and everything that comes with that. I agree it can be a challenge but not to the extent that he feels it, there is something else going on that he needs to address.
Getting him to go to the Dr in the first place was a challenge, it's the first time he's been to a "civi" Dr is 30 years. He already has this next appointment made and my question is more can I go with him? Will it look really strange and controlling? I don't trust him to speak about any of this to the Dr himself. I think he'll concentrate on the physical side of things but ignore the fact that there is a problem there with something else.
Does anyone have any kind of advice, should we just try and look at private counselling etc? Though I'm not sure how I'd ever get him to agree to that.
He is a fantastic husband and dad, his constant high state of alert (only way I can think to describe it) is like he needs to protect us rather than using it against us. I'm just not sure where to go from here, I think I've let it go on too long excusing it as just the way he is but now i'm worrying it'll be the cause of him having a stroke or heart attack.
Any advice would be appreciated about where to go from here. Especially from other army wives who have been here as I know it's a big problem for men leaving the forces.