Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Heartbroken any advice

13 replies

unhappy50 · 17/08/2023 10:16

Hi myself and my partner been together 14 years and we have mutually decided to split I initiated it as been so unhappy for a while

I cannot stop crying I am so hurt , so scared of him moving out and the future this feeling is awful

Can anyone advise ? We have 2 young children of 9 and 5

Thanks

OP posts:
Fiddleyflop · 17/08/2023 10:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

unhappy50 · 17/08/2023 10:36

Thank you ... I am very hurt and can't stop crying .. I suppose breaking up a family home but we couldn't stay like this !!

OP posts:
Fiddleyflop · 17/08/2023 10:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Deb28777 · 17/08/2023 11:08

Splitting up is always going to be hard, unsettling and upsetting so what you are feeling is completely normal, even it it was you that has made the final decision (he probably hasn’t as too scared to do so). Ultimately, if you can work together to make it as easy as possible for the kids then it can have a positive ending.

Having been through something like this, I would advise both of you to avoid dating for some time as this can muddy the water and make the split more acrimonious than it needs to be.

Timetochangegonzo · 17/08/2023 11:09

Have a look at the Frolo site - meet some like minded single parents and soar in your new single happy life. Like I did!

HighywayToHell · 17/08/2023 11:12

Been there OP, Ex was a very selfish man who always put himself above me and the kids and in the end i withdrew from him. Breaking up our 23 year relationship was the hardest thing i ever did and it devastated me.

I knew deep down that splitting was the right thing and after all his EAs over the years i didnt trust him and i knew i would get through it and be happy.

But fuck me op, what a rollercoaster, i was so upset, everything happening was like a body blow, collecting his things, finding out that only 6 weeks of moving out he moved in with his EA partner, splitting the bank account, changing my NOK on everything, removing him off the car insurance for example, it was a constant churn of, this thing then the next thing then the next thing to deal with.

I cried all the time, i was so hurt and second guessed myself all the time, i regretted my decision a lot and the pull of 23 years was heartbreaking, BUT i knew it would never work and that kept me from embarrassing myself and begging him to come back. He would never have come back but would have enjoyed me begging.

Time OP, time is the only thing that helps. And keep in your mind that YOU chose this and remember WHY you chose it, the reasons why YOU decided to end things and the bright future you can have. Keep dreaming of your shiny future, ride out the bad feelings and the upset and it will get better.

My favorite quote "Sadness flies away on the wings of time" helped and off loading to friends and family.

Whattodowithit88 · 17/08/2023 11:17

I think it’s understandable if I’m honest. Even if it was you who wanted to break up, of course you’re still going to be upset about it, you put 14 years into it, it probably feels like a loss, but it’s not a loss, don’t look at it like that, change your perspective.

You’ve got two kids, that’s great, I assume the dad is a fairly amicable person being as he agreed with you and is moving out, so parting in good terms, you had maybe 10 great years together? You built a family together that will continue to thrive and grow. You have a whole new path infront of you to explore, a new life you can lead, when one door closes another soon opens.

Keep your chin up, keep relationships of all kinds strong if you can, and look ahead. Embrace the next stage of your life.

unhappy50 · 17/08/2023 12:37

Thank you so much for your support and kindness yes we both want to do best for our children but understandably he is hurt !!! But was happy to put up with things as they was like most men I suppose ....it is his evil mother I am worried about putting things in his ear she has always hated me !!! I don't know how people get through an nasty breakup well done to you all

OP posts:
RandomForest · 17/08/2023 13:19

*Hi myself and my partner been together 14 years and we have mutually
decided to split I initiated it as been so unhappy for a while *

Why were you so unhappy, was it his behaviour ?

I've found mutually agreed splits can involve one party engineering it to look like the parting is mutual.

Fiddleyflop · 17/08/2023 15:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Watchkeys · 17/08/2023 15:47

Just wait. It will feel shit for a while. Sometimes life does. It's ok. Cry if you need to, and do things you like to do. Don't force anything, just plod on. It will hurt less, after a while.

unhappy50 · 18/08/2023 13:03

RandomForest · 17/08/2023 13:19

*Hi myself and my partner been together 14 years and we have mutually
decided to split I initiated it as been so unhappy for a while *

Why were you so unhappy, was it his behaviour ?

I've found mutually agreed splits can involve one party engineering it to look like the parting is mutual.

I started it but he has been unhappy for years too sometimes that happens

OP posts:
unhappy50 · 18/08/2023 13:03

Watchkeys · 17/08/2023 15:47

Just wait. It will feel shit for a while. Sometimes life does. It's ok. Cry if you need to, and do things you like to do. Don't force anything, just plod on. It will hurt less, after a while.

Thank you so much

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread