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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Moving out but staying together?

5 replies

Allovertheplaice · 17/08/2023 01:37

Hello all, this is a follow on from an earlier post of mine.

My fiance and I are 27 and have been dating for 5 years and engaged for 4. We've been living together for 3 years in my parents house due to financial reasons.

When we first moved in, everything was great, even now things are good, but there have been some issues such as lack of sexual intimacy due to some issues, lack of quality time, and even though I don't question our love for each other, a general - feeling like roommates rather than a relationship- feeling. As we're living at my parents house, we're pretty much locked up in a single room, so you can guess how on top of each other we are.

Despite these issues, otherwise we are pretty rock solid. We've never fought, we communicate our issues and we take care of each other physically and emotionally.

Things came to a head last week and told him that I was thinking about if a break for us would be a good idea. A sort of reset. He completely agreed and understood my reasoning behind it and saw it as a good opportunity for us.
We're now waiting on getting some help on family to help him move back to his parents.

The plan is for us to take a month without visiting each other while we still communicate regularly. Then we'll "reset" and see each other three times a week - life permitting and that will carry on until we can afford a place of our own. This will give us time to work on ourselves and re-establish some indepandancy, give us more room for ourselves. We're hoping this will bring a spark back and make us see this relationship and what we have together in a new light.

Here's the kicker, even though this was my idea, I'm terrified. I'm begining to regret bringing the whole idea up in the first place. It feels like such a step back for us. I know it's what we need, we needed things to change, but I'm just so anxious about it all.

I'm just really sad about the whole thing and will miss him alot. If anyone has some good happy ending stories / reassure me that I did the right thing, please comment

Thank you <3

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 17/08/2023 01:49

Can you really not afford to live together outside one or other of your parents? At 27?

Allovertheplaice · 17/08/2023 02:07

He's a full time student and I work part time, so no. Until I can either get more hours or another job, and until he finishes this last year of University, we're kind of stuck.

OP posts:
manchesterbreak · 17/08/2023 05:33

I'd go between the two parents houses so stop at either but also have time apart . I'd find a stressful being on top of each other like that.

Genevieva · 17/08/2023 05:38

Why such strict rules? He can move in with his parents to focus on his studies and you can both see how it goes. You might date, stay over…

Helpfulperson123 · 17/08/2023 05:44

I don’t think living with parents long term is a healthy thing to do, as a couple. Or generally as a single person. I get needs must, but honestly it is a relationship killer. Spoken as someone who moved my wife back in with my parents for 6 months during covid when we were both 33.

How much longer will you only work part time and how much longer will he be a student? I’d really want a date in the not too distant future where I can envisage a life together not suffocated by parents. I assume there is going to be a long term economic benefit to this huge sacrifice you’ve both made? Can both your parents help you out in the interim?

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