Feel so guilty about leaving

[Sweettooth92]

Since I was 22 I have been in a relationship with a man 17 years my senior.
I always believed he was only 10 years older then me & found out his true age last year.

I have never been in love with him, never felt physically attracted to him, he isn’t even my type.
He perused me relentlessly and every time I tried to break things of he would stalk me and contact members of my family.

I am now 31 and feel so miserable living my life this, I feel so controlled and like I am a prisoner in my own body.
In a lot of way he has changed me as a person, I no longer recognise who I am.

I have had to force myself to be in a relationship I don’t want to be in.
Every time I have tried to address how I feel and talk about moving out he gets aggressive.

I want to be with someone who I actually love and am attracted too, I feel as if I have wasted so many years of my life.

I told his mum today that I wanted to move out and she asked me “what about my son, how do you think he will feel?”.
Making me feel really guilty.

I don’t know why I feel guilty as in the past he has been quite aggressive, made some awful comments and told me he will kick me out etc, he has a really nasty side.

I have been staying at my parents for the last 6 weeks.
I am scared to fully leave as in the past when I have attempted to move on he has contacted friends/family spreading lies about me.

At the minute has has blocked my number and I have no way of getting the rest of my things such as passport, NI card, etc.

I gave my key to his parents so they could keep an eye on the house whilst he was at work.

I have text him mum that I will need access to my belongings or I will have to call the police.
Is this being unreasonable?

I'm not sure what best to suggest - others with experience of these situs will.

Sounds like you could do with someone (ideally a big burly bloke!?) to go with you (and DH's parents will need to let you in?) to get your stuff WHILE EX-PARTNER IS OUT.

How much stuff is still there?

My clothes, shoes, DVD’s, jewellery, important paperwork and my car (which I am selling).

I would need his parents to let me in, I have text him mum today to arrange a day and no reply.

So if you have to do it quickly I'd concentrate on your important documents, main clothes, shoes, that you wear and your car. DVDs are a faff.

BTW In answer to the title of your post, don't feel guilty. He is the guilty party for trapping you in a relationship you obviously wanted out of and being menacing towards you.

Don't expect him mother to take your side on anything. His upbringing is the most likely reason that he is a shithead - ie (his parent/s created the monster).

If you get nowhere with his mother you could just walk in to a local police station and ask to speak to someone about it for advice.

Firstly, well done for taking such a brave step to move out. You are doing the right thing.
No-one deserves to live in fear.
The reason you feel guilty is because he's conditioned you into thinking that everything is your fault. It's not. He's the one to blame. He's just projecting it all on you.
I would contact the police and be honest about any abuse you've suffered at his hands. Yes, they'll raise a crime report but will take into consideration your thoughts on taking it further than that or not. The main reason to contact them though, is to ask advice and help about attending the house, gaining access and packing up your items free of intimidation or fear. If you find any of your items are missing or have been damaged/destroyed, again contact the Police. Don't go there alone. Take a male friend, relative or a friends partner with you, even if the mother comes back to you with a date and time to collect your belongings.
Keep strong and brave.

I would go to a police station, and tell them the truth; that you have left an abusive relationship and need to get back into the house to get your things, including important documents such as your passport. You have tried to arrange access through his mother but are getting no response and you are scared to go round alone. Seek their advice.

I agree with the advice about going to the police. They will help you get your things back. What an awful time you had. Now is the beginning of the rest of your life, cliched though that sounds! I think you will need counselling to help you get through this stage, but soon you will be happy. Don't even think about feeling guilty. Don't think that his mum will ever ever back you either. Ask the police to help you, but if they are reluctant, say that you want to speak to the domestic violence team.

This, 100%.
Dont go alone. The most dangerous time is leaving, moving stuff out.
Ask for help. Get it out there how controlling ( and what a liar he is) and ask for help.
You’re doing the right thing and your life will get so much better.

Don’t think that you need another man to make your life complete. Look at it as if the perfect man cons along you might consider him as a partner .