Feeling a connection with someone else WWYD?

[Dunkinsonut]

so back story im in my mid 30s been married over 10 years and in a relationship that fizzled out on my end years ago but we remain together as we have a comfortable life, kids, mortgage etc and a really great friendship.
Recently I’ve met a guy who I’ve formed a really good friendship with. Nothing more than friends but I am very much attracted to him (have not acted on it or expressed this to him at all) and beyond that we have a lot in common and just have a great time when we are together. Now please
save the judgement because as much as im tempted I’ve kept the friendship purely platonic for the duration of the past two years that I’ve known him out of respect for my marriage but as time goes on I’m drawn to him more and more. He also is in a long term relationship and recently told me he will be moving to a different city. This makes me super sad and I just don’t know how to process all of this and would love some advice. Do I cut the friendship short because of my feelings or continue to speak to him? Confess how I feel?
I love my husband dearly but speaking bluntly he put me through hell in the early years of our marriage (financial and emotional abuse) which I’ve never got over. He’s been in therapy and honestly I cannot fault him now he’s a great dad and partner (minus the occasional temper tantrum) but I just don’t feel for him what I should. the attraction isn’t there and neither is the respect. We have a very comfortable life together and it’s probably why we are still together, breaking up would be financially impossible for us so we just been trudging along (I’m pretty sure he feels the same but would never admit it)

What's the point in declaring your undying love when he's moving to another city, you've also said financially it would be impossible to break up, add into the mix you're planning on being unfaithful to him, I can't see this ending well.

It makes no logical sense, what are you wanting for him to break up with his long term partner ?

Could your marriage actually be improved if you both had a chat and committed to reconnecting on a deeper level? If it wasn't for the early abuse (which changes things somewhat) I'd have said you've both just slipped into stagnation, but you should revive it rather than throw it away.

Regardless, the primary decision must be what you want to do about your marriage. Only when that is done and dusted should you consider anyone else. So let this man disappear out of your life and forget him would be my advice.

There's a few issues you need to unpack here.

Firstly your marriage. You say you're just getting along but the marriage is effectively over., but you're together for financial reasons. You do realise that you don't have sole decision making in this, don't you. If you've had your head turned then your husband can just as easily have the same happen and could then call time on this arrangement.

You need to protect yourself financially, get your ducks in a row, even if you do decide to stay. You should really be prepared if things don't go as you plan.

Secondly, do you really want to stay in a marriage like this? Is this enough? Have a serious think about it. Maybe you could get back in track with some marriage counselling. Maybe some time together on holidays or hobbies might help you reconnect. Now that you've realised what is missing, and you do genuinely LIKE your husband, it cools now be the moment to try to reconnect!

Thirdly, this other man. He's leaving. Is there any point is saying anything now? Especially if you haven't worked out what you could/should do about your marriage.

You are not in a position for a new relationship.

This guy’s not available and neither are you. Also instead of working on your marriage, you’ve just been feeding your feelings for someone else. You say your feelings died because of your H’s early behaviour but it sounds like that’s historic and you’ve decided to stick with the situation. As you say, you’re happy to take the good stuff from being married (lifestyle, financial security, a husband who has treated you very well for years) but not offer emotional commitment in return. You could try talking to your DH about opening up your marriage or leaving it - that way you’ll know whether he’s on the same page in relation to your marriage - but this guy’s unavailable either way. You’re sounding pretty self-indulgent to me, especially given you have children and a husband and this guy has a partner.