Advice needed

[thaisweetchills]

Hi,
Am looking for some advice about a weird situation but I’ll try to keep it simple.
Basically I became friendly with a guy I work with ( divorced with kids) and when he left his post we kept in touch. Lots of texting, flirting etc, asked me to a gig but couldn’t go. Got to know each other well, same interests etc. He then wrote an essay about how he needed to get life sorted etc and all this. Fine ok.
Roll on a few months later and he’s!back working with me. First days flirty etc then to cut a long story short turned completely saying he was just replying to me. Really quite hurtful.
We decided to meet up and he said he didn’t like me in that way and maybe it was timing and he couldn’t ask me to wait etc.
However in work, it’s so obvious to all my colleagues. He stands so close to me, when I’m showing him stuff he’s touching my arms and fingers.
I just can’t fathom it at all. You either like someone or you don’t right? It’s all very confusing.
Sorry for the long winded post!

Sorry it’s all quite confusing, he met up with you to tell you he doesn’t like you?

Sounds to me he’s seeing someone and doesn’t want to get too close to you so he’s distancing himself.

Whatever’s going on with him, I’d leave him to it. He wrote a long message saying it wasn’t the right time, he’s been nasty and he’s told you he isn’t interested. I wouldn’t be wanting to get to know him after this, feels like he’s making it clear he doesn’t want a relationship.

He moons over you at work to give his ego a boost.

Pull away and say 'Urg!' loudly when he leans into you or touches you.

Thanks for replying.
Yes it is confusing. We met up and talked but all I got was ‘ it’s just friends’ etc but yet he said his ex wife didn’t fancy him so I didn’t need to worry?! Also he remembers every detail about me, says he saw things that reminded him of me and all this. Says he can’t give me what I want but acts like he’s into me most of the time.
We have a friend in common who said he’s got issues ( personally I think he’s not over his divorce or ex) and it’s nothing to do with me.

If he isn’t over his ex and has kids then I think it’s quit obvious. He is flirting for the ego fix or keeping his options open.

Touching fingers 😳

Haha didn’t mean to sound like a Jane Austen novel but it did happen. Plus staring all the time…

He's keeping you on the backburner.

Next time he comes mooning and touching I'd be inclined to say "you've made your feelings and position clear, so lets keep things strictly work related and professional" and back away from him.

I agree with this. He’s not over his ex but keeping you around incase he wants a hook up.

Id try forget it and move on. Don’t let him use you and play games.’

I agree he’s not over his ex, him saying she doesn’t fancy him is clearly what she told him, and he obviously found that hurtful. I’d back away as he’s definitely getting an ego boost for you fancying him. I found myself in a similar but slightly different situation and I think my guy gets an ego boost knowing how much I like him. I need to back right off too

Thanks for the replies. It’s annoying and confusing because I’m not the only one who can see what’s going on and people do think we would be good together but hey, it is what it is! It’s just a bit rubbish when I like him.
@Zanatdy I’m sorry you find yourself in something similar, I hope it gets better soon.

Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it! Be careful around guys like him. If people at work start asking, he could flip it around and say you're the one that's instigating it all. I'd steer clear and if he touches you again, tell him to stop so others can hear. He's sending mixed messages and trying to mess with your emotions and head.

Eek be careful, he will use you when he is ready and dump you. Don't sleep with him at any cost

Thanks all. I know I’ve made it sound physical with all the staring and standing very close etc but when we were talking our chats were quite deep etc. We did connect and he even said he wasn’t pushing me away and all this. it’s all very strange but it is what it is!

as my nan used to say he has you on a bit of string. he is going to keep you dangling there as it strokes his ego, makes him feel more attractive and requires absolutely no invested time or emotions. you need to call a halt to this now. if I worked with you I would find it cringeworthy and uncomfortable. this is not suitable work behaviour at all. you need to tell him that this is it. he doesnt want a relationship and therefore you go back to being friendly work colleagues in the same way that you are friendly with others. some men flirt because they can. he has no intention of going any further and you are therefore just wasting your time and probably looking a bit foolish into the bargain. This is all about him and what he wants. call time on it and go and find a proper reciprocated relationship.

@mummymeister Has it!

Do not allow yourself to continue to be his ego boost. Shut that shit right down.

I have no communication with him outside of work and in work it’s just work talk. Even then I am trying to keep it to a bare minimum until he tries to be friendly.
Reading all your replies make me realise what a prick he’s been.
Thanks x

Frankly, if he's doing that at work, it's sexual harassment and you should report him.

What a sleaze.

God no, it’s really not that bad! I don’t think so anyway. Just staring, standing very close beside me etc. I never thought of it like that tbh