Trivial dating problems… am I overreacting?

[NightingaleSings1]

Sorry this sounds really trivial… but am I overreacting?

For context, I recently dated a man for two months who turned out to be an utter sociopath (lied about his age and his drug habits, amongst other things, and had been previously charged for harassing his ex). Going out with him, even for such a brief time, has been an utter headfuck and I think it’s completely destroyed my trust in men to be honest… I used to be very casual and easygoing, and would assume the best in people.

Anyway, I wasn’t looking for anything else after that experience, however something spontaneously blossomed with this man. We met for a date on the Saturday and I really fancied him. He was gushing afterwards over text saying how much he liked me and that he wanted to see me again on Sunday. So we went out on the Sunday as well. Again, he was gushing about how much he liked me after the date and how he couldn’t wait to see me again. Anyway, on the Monday, I sent him a brief friendly greetings text, and didn’t hear anything from him until Tuesday morning. One of my friends thinks this was rude to leave it 24 hours before responding, my other friend thinks that I’m overreacting and that it’s a normal texting response time. I’m just worried that I’ve picked up another player, who enjoys playing games and likes to mess with women’s emotions.

Am I completely overthinking this?

Yes. It could be that now it is a weekday he doesn't have much time, or any one of a dozen other reasons.

I would say it's more worrying that he gushed when he had time without thinking about the impact of it stopping when he didn't have time.

Regardless, if you enjoy his company, go out with him when it happens, but don't wait around waiting for him to respond in between. Whatever happens will happen. In the event you get bored / find someone else / etc / etc, then it's his loss.

Yes, you're overthinking it. But, look up modelling behaviour.

People who like each other set "standards" of behaviour. For example, I always text romantic interests "good morning" and "night" as it sets the expectation that I expect daily contact of some sort. My current partner set the expectation that conversations needed to be properly ended with "speak later" or similar, and not just left hanging, so she'll hammer me if I don't reply for 4-5hrs. She's FAR more demanding than I am of it.

You need to set your expectations. He sets his. You meet in the middle.

If 24hrs is too long for you, voice it.

It might be just me but that sort of gushing after a couple of dates would put me off. It seems a bit love-bomby. Too much too soon.

Having said that, maybe he's realised that's how it could come across so has dialled it back a bit.

Or, that's the game he plays - OTT on the first couple of dates to make you think you've met The One, then backs off in a sort of treat em mean, keep em keen sort of way.

Who knows.

Thanks for all your replies!

My sense that something was off about this man has been proven to be correct. After our interaction on Tuesday, he’s completely disappeared. I’ve deleted his number and deleted him off social media and Hinge, so as to remove him from my mind.

Even though I’ve been on and off dating apps for a while, I’m still baffled by this kind of behaviour.

Why would you be so enthusiastic and so full-on, and then completely disappear? He’s not gained anything from it, we’ve not slept together, not even had a kiss, so what was his end-game?

You are not overthinking OP, all that gushing is typical love bombing behaviour, very shallow and insincere and a definite red flag. However do not be surprised if he pops up again with some far fetched story about why he went awol!

This is why I don’t do OLD anymore. It’s a complete headfuck. The men are so damn toxic and fake and lie so much and you’re left wondering wtf happened. They are all out for themselves but you can never tell at first because they put on a mask. It’s awful.