Posting for advice or at least some moral support please. I apologise for this very lengthy post.
Been with ‘d’H for 15 years married 10. We have two DCs in late primary. he is 50 and I am 48 and I’ve been aware that it’s not been working out for some time now. In a lot of ways I want to leave.
We’ve not had a decent sex life since DC2 was born nearly 8 years ago. Sex has been painful for me since then and has now become impossible. I’ve had a gynae referral that has flagged up adhesions/ endometriosis? But I’ve been on the waiting list for surgery for nearly 2 year now but don’t even have a date for surgery. I’m also per- menopausal and did start HRT but it’s not working for me too well. ‘d’ H has been very tolerant for a long time (has quite a low sex drive anyway) but is very frustrated with situation. I just don’t want to be touched. He will try being affectionate but I don’t want to reciprocate as if I do he seems to think sex might happen and then gets disappointed.
I am also becoming increasingly irritated by his fussy ways (he keeps trying to control the family but it backfires as we do not put up with it. Every little thing he does Pisses me off. He is very family oriented and expects his entertainment to come from us. He is a bit needy and increasingly a self centred twat ( he’s just turned 50 and seems to have entered that phase of being an arse)
In truth I find him not intellectually attractive or funny any more. (We have never been well matched for humour or intelligence… )
Separating is not straight forward as we live in an expensive part of the country and maintaining 2 households is simply impossible. Practically DH is a higher earner and is likely to inherit. I can’t even rent a 2 bed flat on my salary…
I wonder if I could relocate to a cheaper area but it would not be fair on DCs for them to not see either of us at least 50:50.
I am also aware that splitting up is likely to mean me being single for the rest of my life. I’m not great at relationships and meeting new people. DH was my first serious relationship at 35. I would not expect to move on to a new relationship. Being single now would be a relief but I do worry about getting old on my own.
Am I going to regret going down this path if and when my hormones and health issues improve. Should I focus on leading a more separate life but stay with him? Are there advantages to putting up with a marriage (there has been no infidelity or abuse) for the benefit of the family? Or would the grass be greener on the other side?