How would you feel if your sister got together with the guy you liked?

[sistersb4mistas]

The sister knew she liked him and even tried to get them together then decided to go out with him herself. The guy knew the lass had liked him for months and after making out he liked her decided to go out with her sister instead. How would you feel?

I imagine I’d be a little upset initially because the rejection would sting; but after that, I’d put my grown up hat on, acknowledge that there’s no point pining over somebody who wasn’t actually interested in a relationship with me, nor would it make him more interested in a relationship with me if my sister didn’t date him, and hope that he made my sister happy.

@ComtesseDeSpair has nailed it. This guy isn’t a possession to be passed around between sisters (or friends) with no free will of his own. It stings right now but that will pass. Most of us have had the experience of having unrequited feelings for someone - it hurts but it’s just part of life. This is your chance to accept the position and move on. Honestly, future you will look back on this and laugh.

Is that you, Angelica Schuyler?

Disappointed definitely but you can't make someone like you and if he did like your sister and she him, there is nothing to be gained from having the hump about it.

It's the way he made her think he liked her knowing she liked him back then went out with her sister. It seems a horrible thing to do.

How exactly did he make her think he liked her?
Was he just being polite, kind and friendly?

Why has the sister not binned him off for this horrible behaviour?

In my mind both should steer well clear, surely.

Perhaps Woman A got the wrong idea and misinterpreted Man just being friendly as something more because she really wanted it to be. Perhaps Man did initially like Woman A but after getting to know her a bit realised that they weren’t compatible and that he actually preferred Woman B. I don’t think anyone here can analyse three people they‘ve never met, and it doesn’t sound as though there’s much point you doing so either. Woman A and Man were never in a relationship, he doesn’t owe her anything simply because she thought he liked her.

What's the horrible behaviour? Not going out with someone who wants to go out with them they don't want to?

He made a pass at the sister who liked him in front of the one now going out with him. Just seems shitty to me but I'm in the minority.

@MichelleScarn I'm assuming that by "making out that he liked her", he was actively interested/pursuing/dating etc but they just weren't "official", that's how I read it.

Might just be me but there's a line that you don't cross when it comes to having respect towards someone that you have dated. To me, then pursuing the sister would cross that line.

Different matter if she was just reading too much into things.

What was the outcome of the 'pass'? Has he confirmed it was a pass or is sister A assuming?

I know someone who was married to one woman for 20 years, then divorced her and married her sister who'd always hung about their house. So much for the sisterhood literally!.

In what way did he make a pass at you?

I'm assuming you're the rejected sister here. As a side note, it's quite annoying and difficult to follow when people dress up their problems in this third person sort of way. Just be direct about what your problem is.

@picklsey absolutely agree if that was the case that they actually had 'something' but I just read it as A 'liked' him and nothing had actually happened!

I know one man who married a sister had two children then divorced. A year later he married he older sister.
The younger sister to comfort in the fact her dc would get a good step mother. It was working for them all five years later when I meet the younger sister who had a married a different man.

I know a woman who married her sister's first long term boyfriend. The guy she lost her virginity to and the first guy she ever loved. They got together right after he dumped the sister and the married a few years later.

Who makes a pass at somebody in front of their sister?

I’d feel hurt, pissed off and betrayed.

Pissed off and hurt because he changed his mind and basically rubbed my nose in it.

Betrayed because my sister shouldn’t shit on her own doorstep when she knew I had the hots for the guy. You have to let a bit of time pass for that sort of stuff.

I’d get over it in time but I’d not trust my sister with my love life again.

I'd not be at all happy if I was in that situation. I don't know if your sister is much younger? Could there be an immaturity element?

In many cases we can see the (elements of ) things that attracted us to partner in their siblings. Traits might be looks, or hobbies, or personality, or other things. I'm very happily married to DH, but his brother looks similar and they share many personality traits. But that's as far as it goes.

I'm not either sister.
They all spend a lot of time together and this guy is round at the house most days for most of the day. They are all students. He told the rejected sister for want of a better word that he liked her and he was cosying up to her, putting his arm round her and making it very obvious he liked her. The sister he is now with had tried to set him up with the rejected sister so it seems like they were playing games. The sister he then rejected doesn't want anything to do with either of them but is being told she's being OTT but she's understandably upset.

If they're students they're what 18-21 most likely so this sounds like teenage/young adult dating drama that will blow over.

It sounds like they've not left high school.