Bf of 3y leaving abroad to work for 2y

[edmonda3112]

Hi everyone i just discovered about this website after spending the past couple of days trying to reassure convince myself everythings gonna get better when my bf will be away.
My bf of 3 years is living for a job opportunity for 2years in Singapore.
He cannot say no and refuse the offer because he’s just a temp at the company and wants to make it somewhere in life too.
The thing is that we living in the France and there’s +6h time zone difference and i dont know we’ll manage talking and communicating with each other because i’ll be in school till 5pm and him at work i don’t know yet.
So in the end its really complicated when we thought about it and we don’t know if its better to end it right now and enjoy our last moments together or to go with the flow and see how life does this ldr for us.
For now we decided to go with it but hes leaving in a month and a half and time is going by so fast .
My life is complicated right now by itself and him in it makes me happier gives me hope and desire to pursue my life and not end it.
He has an important role in my life and letting him go over there breaks my heart.
I’m taking sleeping pills because i dont know if i’d be able to sleep at night since mt heart aches and im not comfortable with the fact hes leaving and i’ll only see him once a year.
We’re scared our feelings will change or that we’ll fall out of love because of distance.
Any advice could help thank you!!

Long distance relationships are hard, and take effort. I have done long distance twice (with the same person) for 8 months and 6 months, so not as long as you.

I would always advise giving it a go, you have nothing to lose by trying. If long distance doesn't work out you can still always end the relationship, so ending it prematurely before he leaves doesn't really bring you any benefits.

Think of some ways you can maintain closeness when apart:
Watch something together, i.e. agree on a TV series, start it together, and keep up the same pace of watching it so you can discuss it
Agree a set time per week to definitely videocall, and send lots of voice notes, pictures and videos to each other in the meantime.
Always send a goodnight and good morning message. So if he's in Asia and you're in Europe, you'll go to bed after him, so send a good night message and he'll see it when he wakes. He sends good morning and you see it when you wake.
I know you said you'll only see each other once per year - can you make it happen more than that? Meet in the middle if the flights are cheaper?

can you go with him?

If not you will have to accept it could be hard and you could break up.

It also sounds like you have other issues you're projecting. I think you need to talk to a counsellor.

Hey.

Forget about him for a minute. You say he's your reason for living? Please go see your gp and get set up with a therapist.

Go with him if he means that much

Has he asked you to go with him?

No because he knows i cant i start school this year that’s why or else i would’ve gone

Hey thank you for taking your time for responding to me.
I appreciate your advice and will put ur exemples to good use thank you so much.
And no sadly we cannot meet more than once :( because he doesn’t have that many days off and its hard for me right now to fly anywhere

You‘ve had really good advice above, OP.

One really important thing, though, OP is - you should always have other people and interests in your life. You can’t make 1 other person your everything. It’s unhealthy and puts too much pressure on that person and your relationship with then. You can use this time apart to start developing your independence. That will be good for you if the relationship continues and equally if it ends.

Thank you for taking time to respond at my message.
The thing is i wrote this when i wasn’t ok on my mind i thought of the worst i asked members of my family what they thought i should do as an advice.
Im usually independent but i need someone to support me too so i feel complete i dont know if you understand what i’m saying😅but bonding with someone.

You mention starting school a couple of times in your messages, what sort of age are you @edmonda3112 ?
Will you be living alone while your bf is away, or do you live with your family?

Im turning 20 in 2 months and hes 26
I live with my family still after i finish school im planning on moving to a bigger town where most of my family is and also where he actually lives because we live 2h away from each other but we’ve dated like this for 2 and a half years he came i went it was like every month because close but right now its gonna be harder hopefully he’ll survive it

I think it is a good thing that you will not be entirely alone while he is away, but you will have family close by to support you.
I agree that you should keep other friendships and interests going too.