Hubby wouldn’t give me his phone

[MamFran]

So I just set up balloons and presents for our daughters birthday tomorrow. I’d left my phone upstairs so said to my husband ‘can I have your phone to take a picture please’
he hesitated and said why? I said cos I’ve left my phone upstairs and I want to take a picture of the balloon and presents.
he said ‘Oh I want to see’ and got up with his phone to come and see and he took the picture himself.

This could be innocent and may have actually just wanted to see…….but it’s thrown me!! What would you guys think ?

My DH would hand over his phone but I'd be a bit twitchy about it. I have nothing to hide, just a strange quirk of mine that I'm very private about my phone. If you're concerned, are there other things that are making you worried about this incident?

Is it a usual reaction? It's the hesitation that would make me question it. If there's nothing on of concern what's the issue. It doesn't automatically mean affair tho, could be porn, gambling, birthday shopping. I'd be tempted to find another excuse to use his phone to see if he reacts in same way.

He wanted to see the balloons and presents. Fine.

Doesn't explain this:

”he hesitated and said why?”

It reads oddly to me. DH and I don’t really use - let alone go into / nosey through each other’s phones. But we’d both hand them over in this scenario.

Not sure what you can do about it OP.

Yeah agree.

We dont use each others phones much. Maybe recipes or to google something quickly or take a pic.

Do you know his pin? Would you want to check?
Are you in a position to leave if you dont like what you find?

Maybe, just maybe, some people have work related stuff on their phones and maybe have recently had riot act type IT training warning them of how they shouldn’t hand over their phone to anyone, even family, for such innocent purposes as taking a photograph?

But this is MN so…

i think you should trust your instinct, something is telling you to pay attention

Why ? Not even your spouse to take a photo?

It could well be that. Absolutely.

But something is niggling at the OP.

If my DH didn’t hand me his phone, I probably wouldn’t think anything of it. I certainly wouldn’t be moved to post on MN. Neither would you, by the sounds of it!

But the OP, for whatever reason, feels like something seems off.

I don’t know about other people, but I get senses and feelings about stuff all the time. It’s actually really normal. Anyone who’s lived in the world will get intangible feelings about stuff. That comes from experiencing stuff - nothing more, nothing g less.

You can listen to it, or you can ignore it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn’t want dh using my phone. It’s private and I’m utterly trustworthy.

Nor would I cos they don't hand it straight back.

I wouldn't lend anyone my phone unless there was a very good reason.

For example friend had power cut when I was visiting, doesn't have a smartphone, so I googled the number then passed it over.

OP- go through his deleted stuff first- and see if his notifications are off.
don’t ask him anything yet
usually your gut is. Right

Why wouldn’t you just ask him to take a pic in the first place or go and get your own phone ?.

I wouldn't be trusting him after that.

I would hesitate and ask why too, surely it's human nature. Nothing dodgy going on with me but I wouldn't just hand it over. If he said he wanted to take a picture of the car exhaust I'd hand it over, if it was decoration for a party I'd want to see too!

On its own I can't see much to get too excited about, however it's sparked your senses, so like others have said, bide your time and ask to use it one day to male a call or something

His first reaction of, "why" would make me suspicious too but if you don't usually use his phone then that would be explanation enough for me. If you have reason to be suspicious then you need to Mull over the root cause and identify the trust issue.

I don't like anyone using my phone so I'd also ask why. There's nothing bad on there. Just feels like an invasion of privacy. Like someone going through your bag.

Ask him again to use it for something and see how he is then?

@Greenwitchhorse

People on this thread are so naive

Do you think that of everybody who sees things differently from you? OP's husband might be up to something, and he might not.

He might be expecting a message about a surprise he's ordered for OP. He might be having a chat about something that's confidential to a friend. He's allowed a life of his own, and it's not naive to assume he might have one, and have perfectly respectful reasons for his actions. You yourself are naive if you thing that the only reason someone might conceal their phone is an affair. I had to do it the other day having just ordered a special bottle of gin for my partner. I actually turned my phone face down when it might have been in view, and when asked what I was up to, I said 'Nothing.' I suppose that's a big 'red flag' to you, but in your naivety, you've neglected to include the possibility that I might be a nice person, doing a nice thing. OP's partner may be similar.

Not sure if you’re coming back @MamFran but for me context is everything here.

I was cheated on and found out via phone and YES my husband would have acted like this but he was also always on his phone, distracted, snappy with me and the children, tearful, depressed etc etc there were a number of other signs. This refusal to let me have his phone was a new behaviour.

This alone is odd if new but not overly concerning. You need to really think about whether his behaviour has changed in other ways.

Noone else touches my phone.

I'm not having an affair, there's nothing particularly untoward on it, but it's a hugely personal bit of equipment.

So I'd see nothing untoward about your husband's behaviour because I'd have done exactly the same thing.

''@TiredCatLady
Maybe, just maybe, some people have work related stuff on their phones and maybe have recently had riot act type IT training warning them of how they shouldn’t hand over their phone to anyone, even family, for such innocent purposes as taking a photograph?

But this is MN so…''

Be logical please: A workplace cannot tell anyone what to do or not to do with their private phone. They can only have policies about how the equipment provided by the company can be used.

@Watchkeys 'Do you think that of everybody who sees things differently from you? OP's husband might be up to something, and he might not. He might be expecting a message about a surprise he's ordered for OP. He might be having a chat about something that's confidential to a friend. He's allowed a life of his own, and it's not naive to assume he might have one, and have perfectly respectful reasons for his actions. You yourself are naive if you thing that the only reason someone might conceal their phone is an affair. I had to do it the other day having just ordered a special bottle of gin for my partner. I actually turned my phone face down when it might have been in view, and when asked what I was up to, I said 'Nothing.' I suppose that's a big 'red flag' to you, but in your naivety, you've neglected to include the possibility that I might be a nice person, doing a nice thing. OP's partner may be similar.'

You are missing the point entirely.

The naivety I am referring to is people failing to see that this behaviour could be suspicious and telling the OP that she is over-reacting.

There is enough there that warrants the OP feeling unsettled and wanting to find out more about what could be behind his reaction. I think it is important as well never to ignore an instinct that something might be off.

Nowhere did I say that his behaviour automatically equals affairs. You simply chose to run away with that angle...

It could simply be he has pics in in his photo gallery (porn, Insta pics of other women...) that he did not want her to see. Her taking pics with his phones means she would have likely seen what was in his image files.

The point is I would absolutely investigate this further rather than blindly dismiss her concerns.