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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you know when it’s over

10 replies

candycrush789 · 14/08/2023 20:00

Been with my partner 10 years this October, 3 kids together 1 of which is 6 weeks old. We’ve had our problems along the way but always worked through it eventually. This last year has been tough, we had a miscarriage and then a pregnancy straight after which resulted in our 6 week old. There’s been some issues with DP like to do with women, talking to them behind my back, dating sites etc, I forgave him and we moved on…on more than one occasion. Fast forward to now things haven’t been great and they haven’t been for a while. We’ve had a ‘one last try’ loads of times, last one was at the beginning of the year, we got through it and was happy. And now this one, he’s saying the relationship is dead and boring and he doesn’t know what he wants. I said we have 3 children we can’t be as flexible as we used to be and as couples with no children. I said he either makes up his mind or he can go cos Im not doing this decision making every so often it’s draining and very childish. We both agreeed that 10 years is a long time to throw away just for the sake of the relationship gone a bit stale. Things have been fine up until now, basically my friends kids have tried prime and I just mentioned it to him in conversation and he said to me ‘our kids aren’t drinking it if you let them I promise you I will go and shag another woman’ now excuse me if I’m being a prude but is this not s bit extreme. Does that scream to you that’s that is what is on his mind? Part of me is thinking he’s saying it cos he knows if he says he will leave if I do it, I wouldnt give A toss, but then part of me is thinking it’s his way of saying he wants to sleep with other women cos he finds us boring.

im devestated by this comment and now im
questioning if this realationship is even worth saving. Would you let it slide or see it as something more sinister??😩😩

OP posts:
Lupin61 · 14/08/2023 20:07

What a horrible thing to say! I would definitely not let that slide. Who on earth makes threats like that to someone they should care about?! Hope you’re ok

Watchkeys · 14/08/2023 20:12

You know it's over when you're asking a forum if it's over or not. People in healthy relationships don't do that.

Why do you think we'd know better than you? Why does it matter what we'd do in your situation? Why isn't your own emotional response to this enough to convince you to take action?

candycrush789 · 14/08/2023 20:14

@Watchkeys i don’t even know 😩😩😩 I think I already know the answer I just wanted to be told no I’m being silly!

OP posts:
candycrush789 · 14/08/2023 20:15

@Lupin61 i know but he doesn’t see a problem with it he just told me to stop being so serious. I know it’s on his mind, he had the opportunity to walk the other day so I’m not sure why he didn’t if he’s thinking of stuff like that. I’m 6 weeks pp also and feeling very fragile and vulnerable 😩

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 14/08/2023 20:15

When did you learn to invalidate your feelings like this? Did you have dismissive/otherwise engaged parents who brushed you off regularly when you tried to talk about your feelings?

candycrush789 · 14/08/2023 20:24

@Watchkeys Actually yes, that and the fact I’m still raving in hormones as I’m 6 week pp a ebfding so it’s like nothing is rational at the moment 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 14/08/2023 20:31

You've had plenty of issues before, without hormones. You know how you feel. Admit it to yourself, and respond accordingly. Take responsibility for yourself. This isn't a healthy relationship.

honeyandfizz · 14/08/2023 20:33

There’s been some issues with DP like to do with women, talking to them behind my back, dating sites etc.

I would have turfed him out then tbh (and I did last year when I found my STBXH on a dating site), he has no respect for you. Is this really the way you want to live? You are 6 weeks PP with his baby and he is speaking to you like this? Pack his bags and ship him out and raise your bar you are worth so much more.

MamFran · 14/08/2023 20:36

That comment is awful! I’m sorry I wouldn’t let that slide

frozendaisy · 14/08/2023 20:46

That comment says a lot more than I think he realises.

To me it indicates he thinks he can keep you under control as in totally dictating what you can and can't give your kids to drink by using his mighty God like penis as currency. Totally disregarding your autonomy as a mum and a partner.

And that he can just pick up a random woman who will be just falling over for the chance to bounce up and down in his godlike penis. So also treating the concept of this woman as a piece of meat.

You say 10 years is too long to not try and save. But is there anything worth saving?

He sounds like he is turning into a knuckle dragger.

And, in case you are interested, Prime Hydration is just a shit version of an Oasis (ice pop flavour!), P we agree Prime Energy is an energy drink and they are not good for young bodies but Prime Hydration is literally nothing special, I have tasted some to see if it was worth the hype (not in the slightest). So the dictatorship over it is fucking odd by itself.

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