I think I want to separate from my partner, we have been together for about 9 years, both of us have grown up children, no children together. We live together and I am the higher earner, and own the house. He pays towards bills and food but not the mortgage. I lost both my parents in the last few years, and Covid was tough being unable to see family straight after losing my Mum. My partner is not emotionally supportive, I’ve spoken to him about needing to feel close to be able to talk about my grief, I have asked him to do specific things such as have phone chats with a family member to take some pressure off me being their carer now my Mum isn’t around. When we talk he agrees with everything and promises to do things, and then nothing changes, ever. I have got to the point where it doesn’t feel worth asking anything of him as I know he will agree, and then not do anything. I’m also still angry about some of the things he has done, such as the morning of my Dad’s funeral, he disappeared and had apparently decided to go and buy himself some breakfast. I had to leave for the funeral on my own not knowing where he was.
We talked a month ago where he said he thinks maybe we are not compatible, and he is not happy, he stated that at our age we are not going to change and he can’t give me what I need in a relationship. I agreed with all of this, apart from the not changing at our age comment – I am just over the age of 50 and think / hope there is still plenty of life and change in me yet! We ended this
conversation saying we could try couples counselling. I looked into this and
asked him to also have a look into it, I told him I was struggling with it
being another thing I needed to sort out and asked him to help. He agreed, and
then has not done anything for over three weeks. I think I am now done with the
relationship. There seems no point in talking, agreeing things and then just
waiting around while he does nothing proactive about anything.
But I feel guilty, he will need to move out and will struggle with finding a house
to rent and the cost of living is so high at the moment. The alternative though
is we just carry on as we are, day to day it is ok but we are like flatmates
not partners. He doesn’t support me emotionally or financially and we haven’t
had sex for well over a year (he wants to, I don’t as I don’t feel close to
him). What do I do? Should I end it and move on? Or push for the couples
counselling thing which I'm pretty sure I will have to arrange and pay for.
Surely if he wanted to save our relationship he would at least be trying to do
something about it but it feels like it is all down to me. I can carry on or
end it and he will just go along with whatever. I feel lost but think my gut is
saying to end it.