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Original poster

Going to lose him and its all my fault

7 replies

Rattai · 14/08/2023 15:00

I have been seeing a man for almost 2 years
He has never met my family .. mainly due to long distance relationship

He is aware i have two adult children
For a few reasons he is unaware that i have a grand child aged 2. I dont see her often but msybe once a month and talk to her mother/ get pictures every other day

At first i didn't tell him as i assumed we would just be casual and we didn't discuss family much. There were also reasons why i didn't see my grandchild for almost a year ( not related to this relationship) and that hurt so i felt embarrasssed to tell him about it
But now are very serious and have discussed marriage... how do i tell him? I think he will just think I'm untrustworthy and a liar by omission . He think we have more shared everything about our lives and pasts
I am very aware this probably will mean the end of the relationship.
Not sure what i expect to achieve by posting this

OP posts:
Tlolljs · 14/08/2023 15:01

Just tell him. Can’t think why you kept her a secret. Except maybe you didn’t want him to think of you as ‘granny’

StopStartStop · 14/08/2023 15:02

Just tell him. What choice do you have?

YukoandHiro · 14/08/2023 15:03

"There were also reasons why i didn't see my grandchild for almost a year ( not related to this relationship) and that hurt so i felt embarrasssed to tell him about it"

Tell him, and when you do so focus on this bit...

GoodChat · 14/08/2023 15:06

If I were him, I'd be more likely to end the relationship over the reasons you had for having no contact with your grandchild than I would for not telling me they existed.

Tell him in a lighthearted way. "Oh Jessica's going to me me see Francesca for her 2nd birthday!" Or something. Then he'll be happy for you and not consider the fact you hadn't told him, I think. If you go to him and say "I'm really sorry I haven't told you but..." he'll instantly view it negatively.

Original poster
Rattai · 14/08/2023 15:16

I didnt see her because of lock down and the fact her parents decided to bubble with family across the country which caused a bit of a rift... this was not helped/ complicated by me leaving my marriage at the time too

I don't have an issue being a 'granny' im no older .. he's aware how old i and how old my children are

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 14/08/2023 15:27

Is your long distance relationship now a settled, short-distance one? If so, now’s the time to explain that various factors meant that you didn’t have a lot of contact with your family, but that you now have a grandchild in your life who you’re excited about getting to know. If you were both taking the relationship fairly casually for the first year or so, and neither of you really spoke about your families with each other, it’s not going to come as some huge surprise to him that he doesn’t know very thing about yours. A small grandchild is not, at any rate, going to materially affect how the two of you move forward (unless you’re proposing doing a lot of childcare.)

If you’re still long-distance then don’t even think about marriage, however “serious” you’d like things to be.

Original poster
Rattai · 14/08/2023 15:32

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/08/2023 15:27

Is your long distance relationship now a settled, short-distance one? If so, now’s the time to explain that various factors meant that you didn’t have a lot of contact with your family, but that you now have a grandchild in your life who you’re excited about getting to know. If you were both taking the relationship fairly casually for the first year or so, and neither of you really spoke about your families with each other, it’s not going to come as some huge surprise to him that he doesn’t know very thing about yours. A small grandchild is not, at any rate, going to materially affect how the two of you move forward (unless you’re proposing doing a lot of childcare.)

If you’re still long-distance then don’t even think about marriage, however “serious” you’d like things to be.

Thank you
Yes we are spending more than half our time together and planning to move in together very soon.

OP posts:
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