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Original poster

Friend introvert at work

26 replies

Savagepuma · 14/08/2023 13:03

I made a friend at work, who told me that she is introvert. I never really bothered with those terms like introvert or extravert, as long as I get on with people its fine whoever they are. But this friend I really like, she has beautiful personality and very nice person in general, the only problem is the lack of communication. I would like to talk more, but she's most of the time sitting alone, coming for lunch and goes to sit alone. Before we sat few weeks on lunch breaks, then she started to sit with me only sometimes, other times alone. I don't want to intrude or be clingy, no way would I do that, but just wondering, if this would change at some point or it will always stay like that?
I'm the only one she speaks to about non work related stuff, I can see that she's different with me than anyone else at work, but how to understand her better?

OP posts:
Original poster
Savagepuma · 15/08/2023 13:32

TrickleWell · 15/08/2023 09:50

I don’t think that’s entirely fair.

Yes, obviously the colleague is communicating with the OP in that all behaviour is communication, but I don’t see the OP as being in any way unreasonable to want to understand the terms of the ‘relationship’ (to the extent that it is one) better, rather than just being the passive recipient of the other woman’s occasional company, and obliged to react passively to whether the colleague feels like talking or not, without herself being able to express a desire of her own.

It may be, of course, that this is simply not a situation that will ever develop into a friendship, as it’s too one-sided.

OP, judging by Mn, most people misuse the term ‘introvert’, when what they actually mean is ‘socially-awkward’, ‘shy’, or ‘socially anxious’, or, in some cases ‘misanthropic’.

I am an introvert — a sociable one. I love company, friendships and meeting interesting new people, but I need vast amounts of time alone to compensate. You would not ‘know’ in company or at work, unless I was exhausted and had had no recharge time. It might be that I would need lunch alone at times, depending on the job, but if I genuinely liked a colleague, I would communicate with them explicitly about that, not just expect them to second-guess me on a specific day, or to accept that my needs as an introvert should be prioritised over theirs. Friendship is a two-way thing.

Its not possible to tell from your post, OP, whether this woman is socially-inept, shy, an introvert who is exhausted by the demands of the job, or simply has no idea how her behaviour impacts on others. But if you want your needs to be met, too, this might not be for you.

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I don't know, she never seemed to be shy, but she purely ignores everyone else, not even hello.
She is admin and works alone in her office, and we are 30 people in the open plan office, she uses our printer and coffee machine so comes down to our office about 3 or 4 times a day. And if we meet in our office she would be very nice, talking, then lunch break comes and she comes in to the break room and completely blanks me or comes and sits with me and chats non stop, but that doesn't happen often.
So I'm gonna leave it at this, definitely not going to ask any questions or anything, it may be really a person who just doesn't want to communicate much and I respect that.

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