Boyfriend provides NO emotional support

[Justdontknow23]

I feel like I’m my relationship, how I’m feeling that day will dictate how both of us feel that day, and it’s too much pressure.

Im definitely the optimist of the two of us, I generally try not to moan / spew negativity, but he doesn’t think twice about doing so.

Im struggling at the moment because I hate my job and I don’t have any friends, not much family either, so my support network is extremely limited and most days I’m fine, but some days I just hate life. I’m not outwardly unpleasant, I just don’t talk much at all on those days - I don’t wanna burden anyone. But on those days he seems to completely ignore me and/or join me in my misery.

A few weeks ago I started a new contraceptive which left me feeling down for the first week. I brought it up to my boyfriend that I felt like he was ignoring me and it makes me feel worse, a tiny bit of affection would go along way. He got irate & said that my low moods were a) putting him on a downer and d) that he was avoiding me out of fear of an argument (I don’t know where he got the idea that I would argue with him, I’ve never been argumentative at all). I ended up apologising for not being good company. He said sorry too but nothing changed. I’m his defence, he said “I called you pretty yesterday” (wow)

So today I woke up feeling miserable about work , he hasn’t asked me if I’m okay, hasn’t acknowledged it at all, but is now also having a bad day. Such a bad one that he was getting in the car, hit his head by accident and slammed the door shut powerfully. I hate being around angry men and I’ve told him that but he can’t even try not to break things/slam doors when he’s annoyed.

I’ve no idea how to bring this up to him, I’ve tried but he just didn’t get it. Does anyone have any advice on the matter? Or am I just expecting too much?

Is he one of those people where if you're having a bad day, his is always worse?

That instead of being compassionate for you, has to make out he's got things harder?

If so, it's time to call it a day.

Either way, angry outbursts would be a complete game over for me as well. You say he breaks things when angry? My first assumption would ve he's some sort of sociopath then. Because that shit isn't normal.

Never waste your life explaining respect or compassion to people. They have it or they don't.
If they don't, it's time for you to go.

And if I were you, I'd get out and end it via text/call as he doesn't sound safe to be around when he's being told.

How long has he been your boyfriend?

I'm never quite sure what people mean by 'emotional support' but this doesn't sound like a lack of that - whatever it is. He just sounds like a miserable negative.

People should be a positive in your life - they should add to your life in some way and make it better. At worst they should be neutral (don't add but don't take away either). Get rid of people who are negatives (take from you/your resources.)

@Pinkbonbon it certainly seems that way. I can tell me having a bad day rubs off on him a lot. I end up just feeling like a burden most of the time..

but yeah the angry outbursts are usually because of work but it’s usually something small that’s irritating him and he just explodes, which is a huge red flag to me

@GreyCarpet this is a good way to look at it - thank you

i suppose by emotional support I mean just being there for me when times are tough - whether that’s openness to talk or providing a little bit of comfort

Oh and 7 months we’ve been together

Ditch him. He's already starting the training process on you where your needs and wants don't matter but his are very important. You are worth more.

I'm betting your days would be a lot less uncomfortable if you didn't have to worry that your mood might set him off. If you didn't have to walk on eggshells shells worrying about that.

Partners are supposed to add comfort and spice to your life. This guy just seems to be stressing you out.

Tbf it sounds like you're not maybe the most fun to be around atm. But people have tough times and partners are supposed to want to brighten their days during them. Not make it into some sort of misery competition.

And look, you're not comfortable with the angry outbursts from him. And no wonder. How long before he starts throwing stuff at you when you push him off? How long till its your stuff he starts breaking?

You've recognised the big red 🚩. Don't hang around watching it blow in the wind. Take action and get out.

So he is miserable most of the time, you are miserable some of the time, and he is prone to angry outbursts - and he doesn't meet any of your needs?

Ditch him and try to make some real friends.

It’s more than the lack of emotional support op, he can’t emotionally regulate himself. He’s leaking all over the place. If you continue you will have to regulate his emotions for him, which is what has started to happen already. He is emotionally incompetent op in quiet a serious way. He absolutely won’t be able to offer you any emotional support op and there isn’t anyway that you can change that.

Run for the hills while it's still time

Agree with pps. He's "training" you so that your "job" is to never have any problems and always be "constant and cheerful" to support HIM.

Any issues you have = "being needy and hysterical" and can be glossed over. Any issues he has - you have to centre your day on him.

This type never improves - I've been on a few dates with guys like this, and I hear about ALL their crises/work dramas/problems.

My job was to be "audience"/therapist - I got the vibe I could get mugged on the way to a date and they'd basically see it as "something irritating/inconvenient I'd done deliberately as it took the audience off THEM and their needs".

What's the point of him?

Dump him op, he isn't interested in your emotional wellbeing and it's just going to get worse.