Been together 18 months and lived together for last 3 months in his house. I have moved from my area and friends that were close to me about ab hour away. However this is only for 9 months as I have bought a new build. Plan was for him to rent out his house snd move in with me.
Before we lived together effort was made on both sides to spend quality time together, days out etc. Now I have moved in we barely spend quality time together. I feel like his cook, maid and sex slave. He is either at the pub, watching sports or playing on his computer. he used to be cuddly and now nothing.
It came to a head last week where I discussed breaking up. I said he never helps with any housework and if I ask he has a tantrum or just argues knowing I will just give in. He acknowledges this so we gave each other set chores.
He said he needs space and for me to stop disapproving all the time. I need to get out the house more, but I know no one in his village. He is on his phone constantly - example at a music festival was on social media through acts.he looks bored with me. Even his friends have said it’s rude to be on phone that much. he does it with everyone.
He also said he was used to doing his own thing, and needs to compromise and get used to me sharing his space. I said I feel unwanted and he is pushing me to walk away. He said not at all just tired and in pain, due to a long standing injury. We both admitted we are not happy but don’t want to break up.
We were supposed to go out yesterday, his suggestion, but he decided he wasn’t feeling well. Said he would come out for a few hours when we woke up and had breakfast. but then sat himself in front of his computer to play games when I asked what did he want to do he snapped that he wanted to do nothing. So I left and went out.
That evening we had food and watched tv. Plan was to go out to eat. He said he wasn’t feeling well but will go out if I wanted to but would prefer a take away. we got take away.
He said he slept all day, which meant he got into bed at 2:30am waking me up. He tutted when I got up for work today.
I did find out that in both his long term relationships the women had affairs. I am not surprised (I wouldn’t) as he went from affectionate to nothing as I moved in and no attention given. He said they said he spent too much time playing computer games.
I just feel he is trying to end it and is forcing me to do this as technically I will have to leave so he doesn’t look bad. However I am going through a stressful period. Job restructuring and my mum died suddenly 6 months ago. I am not sleeping and grumpy. So not the best judge of anything.
Gut says end it as we are not happy and I can’t see it improving (but I am pessimistic about everything at the mo). Head says I will be unhappy without him and this is just teething issues we can work through. We are both independent and lived alone for about 7 years
I can rent somewhere if needed. Will take time to source. Or I can sleep in spare room. I can’t figure out if I want the effort or not.
how did you decide to stay or leave?