Advice wanted: how do you build & keep emotional intimacy in long term relationship?

[Lalalalala555]

Hi,
I am struggling with relationship issues and hoping for some advice.
I want to know tips for how to build a feeling of closeness with your partner?what do you do to keep your relationship strong and what does your partner do?
Thanks!

I've just commented on a marriage thread about this kind of thing.
My husband and I have been together close to 20 years (we got married 4 years in) We are still very much in love and very much can't keep our hands off each other. We still fancy each other like we did when we met.
Things that probably help are affection- we always have a little kiss or cuddle when we pass each other in the kitchen or hall etc, cheeky bum squeezes and the like.
We are also very open in our words to each other. We tell each other "I love you" many times a day, we do little things for each other like tidying away the plates after dinner or offering to go and get snacks late at night. Every night we take a little bit of time to talk and tell each other something we have appreciated that day that the other person has done. We have always done this and I do believe it makes a difference because it keeps us conscious of noticing what loving things each other is doing and means we never take each other for granted. The key is always going to be communication and sharing your love language.
I had some crap boyfriends before I met my husband, I know what it could've looked like had I not met him. This also keeps me thankful for the love we have.

We always acknowledge and thank when the other has done something or gone out of their way. I’ve seen too many couples who’d never dream of treating a friend or colleague with such casual disrespect and lack of regard for their actions, do so towards their partner as if it’s normal.

We always apologise on the (albeit rare) occasions we snap or lose our patience with the other.

We spend time in each other’s company wherever we can - even if that’s just me sitting in the garden with wine and a book whilst he’s tinkering about with a piece of engine at the table next to me, rather than sitting away in the house.

We maintain a series of little joke-routines which never fail to make us laugh and which remind us why we like each other’s company more than anyone else’s. We prioritise having fun together.

We’re physically affectionate and we prioritise daily sex. Once you start getting out of the habit it’s much harder to start again.

Ultimately I do also acknowledge that a lot of our closeness and relationship success comes from a) being compatible in the first place and b) having both been very independent and happily single people before we met, and who could both be so again. We choose to be together. We didn’t settle for somebody who wasn’t quite right out of desperation; we didn’t hope that we’d be able to change the other into something they weren’t. I read so many MN posts about shit relationships where that largely seems to be the problem: it’s difficult to maintain emotional connection and closeness when you just aren’t compatible in your personalities, your priorities, and your needs and everything is a battle of wills.