We've been married for 26 years and have two DSs aged 22 and 21. Since the boys were born DH has always been looking for something else to do. When they were babies he bought a motor bike, joined a bike group and went riding often at weekends. He plays guitar and during the week he was out at least a couple of nights jamming or going to see a band. Then he joined a fitness group and went out with them regularly including a couple of holidays. Now that the boys are older he still seems to be looking to fill his time outside of family. He started his own band a couple of years ago so they're playing and rehearsing. He's also a scout leader so spending at least one evening a week and quite a few weekends away, looking after other people's children. Now he's started running a jam night which takes a lot of his time. I'm honestly happy to see him doing what he wants but a side effect is that I feel and have felt for some time quite worthless. When he is at home he is planning the above activities on his phone. Over the years he's been using online porn which I found by accident and subsequently felt a range of emotions (won't go into this - already very long post). We've talked about all the above many times and he agrees but things never change. We've been seeing a counselor and again he seems to see my viewpoint but nothing changes. I think he should be single, but he says he doesn't want to separate. I don't want to separate either, partly because I don't want to hurt our boys but also because I do actually want to be with him. I would like him to just spend a bit more time with us. More than that I would like him to want to spend time with us. I do have my own work, hobbies and interests but am not as absorbed in them as he is. All of the above has been going on for decades. I'm not sure what advice I want, but if anyone has come through a similar situation it would be good to hear.