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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling fed up

2 replies

helpmesleepplease · 13/08/2023 21:04

I'm just looking to rant really. I'm feeling fed up in my relationship. I love my other half and we have been together nearly 8 years and have a beautiful daughter who will soon be two. I'm just so fed up with my partners moodiness. He is always finding something to moan about. He's tired because he works hard (he has to because he went for 8 months whilst I was in mat leave without earning any money due to starting his own business) but when it comes to me going to the gym or out for an appointment, he can't wait to get on the PS4. The other day I had to go out and our daughter was napping but when she woke, he still stayed playing on it and left her just entertaining herself. He has some time to play when she's sleeping at night or in the day when we are out or she's napping. Even when he isn't on the PS4, he's obsessed with his phone and just sits on it whilst she plays. He's got such an attitude atm it's driving me insane and making me unhappy. Whenever we are taking my daughter somewhere he's always so snappy in the car. He told me he is working next Saturday so I asked him if he can come straight home and not go out and do something like drop drinks off to a friend who's working or go and stop by and help a friend out (he has a habit of doing this when we have plans and doesn't tell me where he is or his plans, just decides to drive about and visit people) he snapped at me for asking him not to do this because he's hardly at home due to doing bits for other people. There are lots of things to do around the house which I said I don't mind doing but he will need to entertain our daughter whilst I do it (DIY) but he's just always off doing something else.. his dad has even mentioned he needs to put his family first and stop prioritising his friends. Today we had plans and on the way I realised the sat nav was taking us the long way so I mentioned it and changed it to the route that said we had to go down the motorway. He started getting aggressive saying 'you don't get to this place down the motorway, how many times have you driven to this city and used the motorway!' And I asked him not to shout at me because I'm just saying what the sat nav says.. then he started saying 'well you only gave me 10 minutes to get ready this morning' he basically sits and faffs until last minute and decides he needs to the toilet and sits there playing on his phone leaving me saying 'we have to go in 10 minutes'. Then he started saying I said stuff (which I know I didn't) like 'you can't let DD in here I'm doing my hair' and when I told him I didn't say that he was telling me I did. (He does this often and there's no telling him that I didn't say what he's saying I said). I got so annoyed I said I'm getting fed up with this I'm almost done. Because I feel almost done with the nit picking. He then came in earlier and said 'you've used anti bac wipes in your car and stained the dash' he's always mentioning something I've done to my car to ruin it.. this is not the only things he does. It's just like this all the time and I'm so fed up of him always seeming to have time to help friends with DIY bits but not at home when I ask. I just don't feel happy, I love him but he's so miserable. The only time he's ever on time and ready for an event is when it involves his family ie parents, aunts, uncles etc when it comes to something I have planned he's always late and has something to do beforehand. I've been feeling like this for so long and I worry about our future because he's been in debt for years, can't stay in the same job because he gets bored or someone he works with pisses him off. I'm left in debt from taking a loan and credit cards for when he was running his own business but not making any money to bring home. I feel so guilty for writing all of this and feeling this way but just need to get it off my chest..

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 13/08/2023 21:09

I'm left in debt from taking a loan and credit cards for when he was running his own business but not making any money to bring home

Are you married? If you're not, you need to go carefully, or you'll be left holding this debt when you separate.

Finances aside, it sounds bloody miserable for both of you, and whilst the early years of parenting are really hard, he doesn't get to just opt out of parenting his own child because it's cutting into his social life or quality time with his PS4 🙄

helpmesleepplease · 13/08/2023 21:55

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation we aren't married.. not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing :/
He's a great dad but sometimes go through these phases where he's just PS4 and phone obsessed.. I know men need their downtime but he gets a lot more than me! He's had a lads holiday this year in France and is often going for a drink with friends when he finishes work which is much more than I get. We don't struggle with parenthood and aren't finding it difficult as our DD is great and we love her to bits. It just seems he wants 'him' time and isn't waiting until the evenings for it..

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