I'm piggy in the middle - help!

[IloveWinniethePooh]

My son and my mother refuse to call each other. I suspect my son resents the way my mother speaks to me and treats me. For example bringing up my husband's infidelity at a family birthday dinner, despite being asked to stop. Or for shouting at my daughter in law for not being quick enough to help clear the dishes. Or the time mum shouted for guests to be quiet after someone cracked a joke in the pub. Yes really.....she's a nightmare! And she's missing out on such a lot of joy. My daughter in law has just had a new baby and although she invited us over and we took mum, she's not been asked since. And neither have son and dil taken baby to visit her. In fact she only sees them if I invite them all to my house.
She says he should phone her. Yet she refuses to call him. He says he's too busy with job, kids etc. I think they're both behaving badly and I'm not going to be piggy on the middle. I've refused to get involved. I see my son and his family regularly so I'm not missing anything. But am I right to take this stand?

Let them get on with it, and don't mention it to him ever. If you try to "build bridges", you risk being cut off too!

I think you should applaud your son for having pretty good boundaries, he sounds like a great DF and DH, sounds like you could learn from him too. No one has to put up with someone who behaves badly regardless of their relationship or age.

You are only in the middle of you place yourself there. Your son is an adult as is your mother, let them sort out their own relationship.

Your mother sounds horrendously rude. Good for your son for distancing himself. You reap what you sow.

I'm so relieved to read these messages!
I'm not engaging with either of them in this! I love my son and have a fantastic relationship with him and his wife.
I wrote the thread because I wanted to get/needed validation that I'm doing the right thing.
You're right thelonelygirraffe, she is rude and unpleasant and if she were a friend I'd drop her fast. But she's widowed and old and unfortunately I'm an only child, so i don't have anyone to discuss this with.
Thankyou so much ......x

If my grandmother yelled at my partner got not clearing plates quick enough, I’d not bother to see her again either. She sounds ghastly.

I know it's hard, op. And your mum won't change now. Presumably she has found that acting this way has worked for her her entire life?

But look after yourself.

👍