Terrified

[Se1401]

Hi all, no judgment please I’m a complete mess.
long story short… my ex and I split last November after 7 years but continued living in the same house until 8 weeks ago.
We have, on occasion been intimate but only a few times.
I started talking to a dad from school and we got on really well and we were messaging for a few weeks (ex did not know this and would have hit the roof). I ended up meeting this guy 3 times and on the last time I slept with him. I instantly regretted it and realised I wasn’t ready to move on, I think I was flattered by the attention and it made me feel better about my situation.
after sleeping with him I ordered an online sti test as I was stupid and didn’t use anything. I took the test 6 days after intercourse and sent it off and results came back negative. Go forward 2 weeks and I ended up sleeping with my ex again. Our relationship is very up and down and the reason for our split is not due to feelings being gone but more to do with wanting different things and it became toxic.
I thought all was ok as my results were negative and I’ve not had any symptoms but then a friend told me it might be false negative as I took it 6 days after and not 2 weeks. So now I am absolutely petrified that I may have something and I may have passed this to my ex. I’ve ordered another test but I’ve been crying and panicking for 2 days because if I have and I’ve passed it on I am terrified of his response. I know what he is like and I know he will make sure the world knows what a sl*t I am.
I feel so ashamed.

Stop sleeping with your ex. If you have split, you're free to be with someone else and have nothing to feel guilty about.

First of all. You’re not a slag. You’re single, and as a consenting adult you can sleep with whoever you like, whether you later regret it or not you’ve done nothing wrong.

It’s highly unlikely you’ve given your ex anything but you seem really scared of him. Has he been abusive to you?

While there's always a chance of catching something, your anxiety seems to be motivated more by guilt and fear. You're single, so free to sleep with others without guilt, but most importantly - please don't ever sleep with someone who scares you.

“While there's always a chance of catching something, your anxiety seems to be motivated more by guilt and fear. You're single, so free to sleep with others without guilt, but most importantly - please don't ever sleep with someone who scares you.”

This. You need to remind yourself that you did nothing wrong when you slept with this other guy (having unprotected sex is a bit daft but it’s not morally wrong). You almost certainly have not contracted an STD. Your next test will almost certainly come back negative. Your terror is about feeling you did something wrong when you slept with this other guy. You did nothing wrong.

Just make this situation work for you - learn from it. Never have unprotected sex with men with whom you’re not in a long term relationship. Then you’ll spare yourself this awkwardness. (I came of age in the mid-80s; HIV was a death sentence. Everyone sensible used condoms by default. Things are different now but it’s still a good habit to have).

What? You can shag who you want. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Physically abusive no, but controlling and manipulation yes. I still love him but I don’t want to and I think this was my way of trying to move on and like someone else.
min an ideal world we would be together but it can’t happen because he wants completely different things to him, I think I’m terrified because yes I feel guilty, I still feel like I’ve done something wrong but also I feel ashamed and I know if I have passed something to him he will tell everyone we know and hate me

Take a breather! You are worrying about being found out when technically you have done nothing wrong. The wrong bit was sleeping with different men unprotected. It's unlikely you've given anyone anything but you're doing the right thing by testing. Until your results come back, don't worry about it as you could be worrying for nothing.

I generally think you're not ready to move on yet, which will be hard to do while you're still living together. You need your own space and freedom and to stop sleeping with ex so the lines aren't blurred for you both.

So you were still on contraception, weren't you? Seeing as pregnancy would seem to be far more likely than Gonorrhoea in this situation.

Urrrrmmmm how in the world do you know your ex hasn’t slept with atleast 3 different women in the last 8 weeks anyway? You don’t, and he could have, his single!

Nothing wrong with sleeping with people, probably always best to use protection in the future though.

Yes on contraception and tested and had period since.

I know I’m not ready to be on, I genuinely do love him but I know we shouldn’t be together. I didn’t do anything with this guy until we were no longer living together put of respect more than anything. I just feel sick with worry. I’ve not slept, been crying non stop and I’m praying for negative results.
I’ve never in my life been this stupid.

Please dont go back to the abuser.

How can you Love someone who you think will tell everyone? He slept with you without protection so 50% hours of "blame" is his - stop being so sexist !

Stop sleeping and living with such a nasty person.

Sleep with who you like but value yourself better

I took the test and sent it off Friday afternoon, does anyone know if they get tested over the weekend? The last one took 3 days to get results but that was sent on a Monday..
in so so scared

Do you seriously think your ex hasn't been shagging around? The men who are malicious and misogynistic enough to rant about their ex's perfectly normal behaviour/life without them are the same ones who fuck anything that moves.

I very much doubt you have anything - and if you have, as you were already testing negative before you slept with your ex, chances are it would be from him.

Can you cut your ex off and stop speaking to him immediately? That might help you feel better. It seems like you are catastrophizing a bit, do you think talking to a therapist might help? You have already sent the test off, it's extremely unlikely that you have anything, just try to distract yourself and be calm. Don't do anything silly like calling your ex and apologizing. It's all going to be ok, deep breaths and be calm.

@Se1401
Do you assume that he has not slept with someone else since splitting from you. A break up allows both of you to be free to do what you wish even sleep with each other on occasion if that is what you want.

It’s hard to as we have a lo together so he rings to speak to him a lot and he wants us to get back together so when he comes round or rings he is so flirty and lovely and basically the person I fell in love with. I hate myself because I’m so weak when it comes to him, I know we shouldn’t be together and I know I’ll never have the life I want with him and worst of all I know it’s all an act to get me back but at the same time in my pathetic head I want to believe he is capable of change. In the same breath though I’m also very aware of how fast he can turn and how badly he reacts to things which is why I am so terrified of this.
therapy is something I would be interested in, I do genuinely have some attachment issues when it comes to him.

Hoping you got good news and are feeling better OP. Best of luck!

@Se1401
He is the man that you feel in love with the and you know what that journey was like. You are lonely ANF would are willing to overlook all that you know.