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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Kick some sense into me.

5 replies

Thewizardbinbag · 13/08/2023 18:25

I just got chucked by the guy I’ve been dating, after a few weeks of it being really not good and one of us should have done it earlier. But I can’t get myself past this.

He’s a good guy. No one did anything wrong. We’re just not good together. When it worked, it was amazing but we argued so much due to the stress of seeing each other when we both have kids. We have 6 between us, so there was so little time and so much stress and we argued about the fact that we both felt frustrated at not seeing each other. Instead of just talking and being nice and supporting each other when we were missing it, we argued about it. So, we weren’t suited if we couldn’t handle that.

it is the right thing that we are done. But, embarrassingly, I’m angry that he ended it. Which I stupid. It doesn’t say anything bad about me but I’m angry and I wasn’t quite ready for it.

I want to call him. Im sitting on my hands so I don’t, so now I’ve just come on here to shout about it. Nothing anyone can say apart from, “Grow up,” but I needed to type something or I’d call him.

OP posts:
Birthdayblu · 13/08/2023 18:38

Repeat after me: ‘I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me’

then:

  • book a blow dry
  • call your funniest friend
  • write a list of his annoying traits (there’s bound to be some)
  • hit the gym
Babdoc · 13/08/2023 18:41

It’s only natural that you are experiencing a collection of mixed negative feelings, OP.
Anger that he took the decision instead of you, a wish for revenge, hurt pride, rejection, grief for a relationship that you hoped would work, disappointment, uncertainty about future relationships, etc.
Just sit with those feelings for a while, and accept them as yours, without needing to rush into acting on them. Let yourself calm and settle, view the relationship objectively, and give yourself some time to get over it. Sleep on it. In the cold light of morning you may find you are beginning to be less emotional and more logical about it - even perhaps relieved that it’s over, that you are free to find something better, that meets your needs, or to decide that you need some time with just you and the kids, before throwing another potential partner into the mix.

Original poster
Thewizardbinbag · 14/08/2023 12:45

Birthdayblu · 13/08/2023 18:38

Repeat after me: ‘I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me’

then:

  • book a blow dry
  • call your funniest friend
  • write a list of his annoying traits (there’s bound to be some)
  • hit the gym

I did exactly that and went out last night to blow off some steam. So far, maintaining dignity and haven’t called him!

OP posts:
Original poster
Thewizardbinbag · 14/08/2023 12:46

Babdoc · 13/08/2023 18:41

It’s only natural that you are experiencing a collection of mixed negative feelings, OP.
Anger that he took the decision instead of you, a wish for revenge, hurt pride, rejection, grief for a relationship that you hoped would work, disappointment, uncertainty about future relationships, etc.
Just sit with those feelings for a while, and accept them as yours, without needing to rush into acting on them. Let yourself calm and settle, view the relationship objectively, and give yourself some time to get over it. Sleep on it. In the cold light of morning you may find you are beginning to be less emotional and more logical about it - even perhaps relieved that it’s over, that you are free to find something better, that meets your needs, or to decide that you need some time with just you and the kids, before throwing another potential partner into the mix.

There should be a like or reaction button for comments. This is exactly what I needed someone to say. That’s it’s OK to feel all this. And it does get better. Thank you.

OP posts:
Birthdayblu · 14/08/2023 17:17

Thewizardbinbag · 14/08/2023 12:45

I did exactly that and went out last night to blow off some steam. So far, maintaining dignity and haven’t called him!

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