Advice about mum

[Owlgirl1987]

I have previously posted regarding my husband having an affair and us trying to work through it and have marriage counsellingI have been having my own counselling aswell and whilst it has all been going off I have been doing alot of looking back and thinking and realised some stuff about my mum that I don't agree with or like and wondered if other people thought the same as me and wondered what I should do.Basically when I told her about the affair I asked her not to tell anyone because it was all raw and upsetting and I didnt want everyone knowing my business and didn't need loads of people getting in touch with me. She didn't listen to me and went behind my back and told her partner and my brothers straight away,so then I had my brothers at me constantly.I went to my mum for support, like I should be able to and of course I was going to be upset with my husband having an affair, after a few weeks she turned round and said that because I was upset and talking to her about it, it was making her upset and was making her ill.My brothers then kept saying to me to not contact mum and back off as it wasn't helping my mum and one of my brothers turned round and said that if I carried on with my husband and stayed with him and not listen to my family then people wouldn't understand why I was doing what I was doing and I would loose my gaming as they don't agree with me and my decision.When I thought me and my husband might not be making a go of things I spoke to my mum and then it turned out that when I asked her a couple of weeks ago who she has spoke to as I was telling her we were going through counselling. She said she had told my grandma, my uncle , my aunties and one of her friends. I asked her why as it was none of her business to tell other people what I had told her.She said she needed support as she was struggling with me being upset.She said she told my brothers and she thought they had a right to know.She can't understand why I am so hurt and upset by her and she said she isn't sorry for what she has done and she won't apologise or take back what she has done and said and keeps telling me to stop playing the victim.When I look back and think about how she has been in the past, she always twists things round to be about her as when I was made redundant a few years ago and posted on Facebook that I was said one of her responses was ' at least you don't have my life ' when I finished my degree at university and posted about it she said ' well you couldn't have done it without me' We haven't spoke for nearly 2 weeks now, and at times I really don't feel bothered

@Owlgirl1987 maybe it would be worth looking at the stately homes thread? Your mum is emotionally abusing you. If she’s so upset that you’re upset why is she being mean and upsetting you even more?

What thread would be best for me to post this in as I am really wanting other people's views and advice on the issues please

Stately Homes:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/april-2023-well-we-took-you-to-stately-homes

I would understand telling one other person for support but she told a small village.
I think you must have known your mum can't keep a secret so take responsibility for trusting her. Your mum might have other good qualities but she is unable to be the type of mum you confide in. Accept her as she is and focus on the real baddy in this story, your cheating husband.
Your brothers love you and were frankly honest about people going on a roller coasters with you when you say you're hurt and devastated but then decided to work on things it makes standers by judge you and your decision because in most cases marriages don't survive successfully after infidelity. They are only looking out for you out of love.

If your mother was really upset and needed support she could have gone to one person, your grandmother or perhaps one brother or friend if that person was trustworthy. Going to multiple people is wrong. The only reason for telling multiple brothers would be if you are from a culture where they would be expected to do something about it.

People on mumsnet seem to drop their parents for any mistake. Obviously you dont trust her with anything you want kept secret again but think seriously about everything your mother did for you.