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Relationships

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Original poster

Is this suspicious

18 replies

Coldsore · 13/08/2023 16:05

Hey guys

I haven’t posted in a while and have changed my name as I’ve told a friend about this in real life. My husband has had a bit of suspicious behaviour with a female colleague in the past which I think was just a bit of an ego boost for him and I’ve mentally filed it away under that (that’s the context).

a year ago I came across some coldsore cream in his cupboard. I get cold sores so if he had a cold sore it wouldn’t be surprising or anything to be embarrassed about. He tried to say it was mine. I was 100% it wasn’t but chalked it up to him maybe having bought me some. Not sure what happened to it. I was looking for razor blades today in his cupboard and hidden away (in a really clearly hidden manner eg behind 2 items and then underneath something he was using almost as a lid to conceal, was more coldsore cream. It’s been opened and half the packet is gone.

I asked him and he said it’s the same one as before (I hadn’t checked that it had been used by this point) and said it’s mine.

why lie?! Why lie about the coldsore cream? It’s 100% not mine. Why lie about getting coldsores unless he has kissed someone else?! I don’t get it. Am I just jumping to conclusions?

OP posts:

Hiddenvoice · 13/08/2023 16:08

This seems a bit odd, surely if he’s trying to hide something then he wouldn’t put it in a place that you regularly look?

I think it’s more of a trust issue based on the colleague. I think you’re looking out for signs of him being unfaithful. Would you not spot him with a cold sore?

Original poster

Coldsore · 13/08/2023 16:10

From time to time he gets a spot on his lip which tbf could just be a spot and I ask is that a cold sore and he says no.

im really not looking - I just couldn’t find my razor blades. I never ever go in his cupboard (twice in 7 years or something, both times there has been the cream).

I just don’t understand why someone would have coldsore in their cupboard if they don’t get coldsores. Or why it was full and now it’s empty. Or why someone would lie about getting them?

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 13/08/2023 16:13

I kissed a lot of ppl in my teens and never once got a coldsore. You get coldsores. It's most likely that he got them from you surely?

It doesn't sound like he has hidden the packet. More like it's just been there for ages and other stuff has been move around it.

I dunno op...I think its a reach to assume cheating here.

Original poster

Coldsore · 13/08/2023 16:17

Yes exactly if he got them it would be from me so no need to hide. Thanks guys, maybe it’s reaching I just wanted to check really if I was overreacting

OP posts:

justanothermumsy · 13/08/2023 16:29

Cold sores or herpes? Same virus different body parts.

Original poster

Coldsore · 13/08/2023 16:31

Cream says “lip sore” so I’m not sure would work on genital herpes

OP posts:

Thebigblueballoon · 13/08/2023 16:35

Perhaps he gets cold sores, but is a bit funny about the whole Herpes stigma surrounding them - which he shouldn’t be, but it seems to be rather common.

Watchkeys · 13/08/2023 16:39

The problem here isn't cold sore cream. That's just a symptom. The problem is that you don't/can't trust your husband.

What would make you trust him? What do you need from him? Ask him for that. If he won't or can't give it to you, your relationship is screwed.

Janieforever · 13/08/2023 16:41

I can’t believe you’re questioning it to be honest, I can’t imagine getting worked up like this about cold sore cream, and even starting a thread on it.

how very peculiar. Does it matter. It’s just cold sore cream

Original poster

Coldsore · 13/08/2023 16:45

@Janieforever i realise it’s a bit strange getting suspicious over it; which is why i provided the context that we have some trust issues.

@Watchkeys usually it’s fine and I can get back to a place of trust but every so often something happens that makes me question it/him. Maybe I just need more time

OP posts:

C1N1C · 13/08/2023 16:46

Watchkeys · 13/08/2023 16:39

The problem here isn't cold sore cream. That's just a symptom. The problem is that you don't/can't trust your husband.

What would make you trust him? What do you need from him? Ask him for that. If he won't or can't give it to you, your relationship is screwed.

I agree. If he's lying about him having blatant cold sores, then he's clearly embarrassed about them. Maybe he's worried you'll think he's dirty or cheating? I'd probably hide it too, partly denial, but also because I wouldn't want to give it to my wife if I could avoid it!

But you thinking it's something more is also telling as Watchkeys said.

xyz111 · 13/08/2023 16:49

If you didn't have cold sores, then this would be a big red flag. He could just be majorly self conscious if he has one and doesn't want you to feel bad you gave it to him?

Watchkeys · 13/08/2023 16:49

usually it’s fine and I can get back to a place of trust but every so often something happens that makes me question it/him. Maybe I just need more time

But you don't trust him. People who trust each other don't do it intermittently, it's something you can trust in, in itself, not something you have to question or convince yourself of. Where does the lack of trust come from?

Original poster

Coldsore · 13/08/2023 16:54

The incident with the female colleague a few years ago. Involved a LOT of lying on his part

OP posts:

Original poster

Coldsore · 13/08/2023 16:54

xyz111 · 13/08/2023 16:49

If you didn't have cold sores, then this would be a big red flag. He could just be majorly self conscious if he has one and doesn't want you to feel bad you gave it to him?

Yes this is true but it’s sad he can’t say so if that’s the case!

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 13/08/2023 16:58

Coldsore · 13/08/2023 16:54

The incident with the female colleague a few years ago. Involved a LOT of lying on his part

So, you don't trust him because he has proven himself to be untrustworthy.

Why do you think you're making a mistake not to trust him? People who lie don't get trusted. That's how it is. You can't magically make yourself over ride a basic human instinct. It would be like trying to over ride thirst.

Original poster

Coldsore · 13/08/2023 17:01

Watchkeys · 13/08/2023 16:58

So, you don't trust him because he has proven himself to be untrustworthy.

Show quote history

That’s a really great way of phrasing things thank you.

I just want to trust him because we have children and I love him. But that’s made me think - I can’t/probably shouldn’t.

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 13/08/2023 17:08

Your kids will be able to sense the undertone in the relationship, and they will model their future, adult relationships on that. They will go off and meet partners, and if those partners are people that they can't quite trust, they will stay in those relationships because that's what 'home' feels like to them.

Give them a better example. Give them the example that, if someone cheats on you, you leave them.

You'll never trust him. If something as tiny as a tube of cold sore cream is setting off your negative feelings, it really doesn't take much. It must be bubbling away quite close to the surface all the time, and you keep trying to surpress it. Why don't you respect how you feel?

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