I’ve name changed and really need some advice. Im 45 and been with DH for 20 years. We’re married with three kids. I’m posting because I don’t know if I should keep working at my marriage or if it’s too far gone. My parents divorced when I was young and both remarried into quite dysfunctional relationships. I don’t think I’ve ever spent considerable time with a ‘happily married couple’. I do chat to my friends and I know some of my frustrations are apparent in their relationships but I don’t really know if they feel like me or have the same amount of frustrations as me.
Thanks for reading this far.
so, I have no desire for DH and haven’t for a long, long time. We have a sex life but I am truly just going through the motions and sometimes I can’t stand for him to touch me. I mentally check out at that point.
DH is a complex character with many mental health issues. As a result of this I don’t share things with him emotionally. This is partly because he can’t handle emotions and either ridicules them or asks me not to discuss them. When people say their partner is their best friend I’m always shocked. I generally turn to my friends to discuss my real feelings.
We don’t have many common interests any more. We both enjoy playing tennis but apart from that we tend to have separate interests. We disagree on many topics.
I definitely do the vast majority of housework, life admin and emotional labour despite us both working full time in busy jobs.
I realise I’ve painted a pretty grim picture so why haven’t we split up?
I don’t tend to vocalise any of these issues with him and if I ever do he says I’m overreacting. He thinks our marriage is ok. We have three children and I don’t want them to grow up in a broken home. sometimes we enjoy each others company. I keep thinking it’s ok and I can handle life the way things are. But then I wonder…. What would you do? Is my situation so bad I should leave? Or is it a fairly accurate description of a marriage?
I don’t know! Please can mums net help?