Second wives with DH with no previous DC - your feelings

[Appleofmylife]

My DH was previously married to his uni sweetheart for 4 years, in total together for 13 years. They split up because he said she wanted kids and to bring them up Muslim. DH isn't Muslim and didn't want that. That's that background and that's all I really know as he never ever speaks about it

This morning I found a folder called wedding, thought it was ours and was a bit taken aback to see it was from his first marriage. Anyway I'm feeling a bit gloomy. He looked a kind of happy I've never seen. I haven't mentioned anything to DH. We've been together 2.5 years and married for 1 year. If you're a second wife, do you ever think about your DH's past life. I just feel like DH is kind of sombre and not up for doing a lot but these photos looked very different to that

I don’t even have a photo of our wedding!

DH has still got a few of his first wedding, but that’s only because he is a terrific hoarder and they are in one of the many plastic bags of photographs on the bottom shelf of the bookcase in the spare room.

But something seems to be eating these bags, they are definitely fewer, though he hasn’t noticed as he hasn’t touched them for the last thirty years (they just get moved from house to house with the bookcase.) 🤐

I’m more interested in today than yesterday.

I've been married before, it was very short lived. I was with them for 3 years if you saw a photo of me with him you'd think I was so happy and in love......

Truth was he was an abusive arsehole, he bullied and lied his way through. Did I love him? No I loved the idea of him at the time I thought I loved him.

You can't judge anything as you weren't involved or know the ins and outs of something. Forget you saw the photos and move on.

I remember nosing through a box of old photos and finding ones of my husband and his ex in the hospital with their new baby. I was desperate for a baby at the time (several losses and eventually we had success with IVF but overall it was 10 years). Obviously I knew that must have happened as ‘the baby’ by this time was my enormous stepson but seeing the photos of proud dad, tired mum gazing at their new bundle of joy did smart a bit!

I think your feelings are completely understandable OP. Logically you know that your DH had a life before you, but when you unexpectedly come across a photo of him and his ex looking really happy it's hard not to feel second best. Just remember that's in the past. He's with you and he loves you and he wants a family with you.