Trigger warning. Historical abuse (DP)

[Sailawaygirl]

I just need to say this somewhere. Im sorry i know mumnet may not be the right forum. But I won't be able to tell anyone in really life.

Dp is very private and always been distant from his family. Difficult late teenage years, has ASD and social anxiety, mother probably has ASD and his childhood memories are of her being not the most caring mother.

He has said a few times that he has remembered something from his childhood recently but didn't want to tell me. At the time I thought it was about his mum hitting him if he was naughty or locking him in rooms and cubards. But he opened up last night and said when he was about 6 or 7 he went to stay with his mums father ( grandad but spilt from gran). And during that stay he had to go into bed naked with his (naked) grandad. He has complete block of what happened although he feels it wasn't right. Shortly afterward he says he remembers suddenly being sexually aware ( odd for his age.

We are expecting our first child. We had already said that his mum will not be allowed unsupervised contact to DC even when older.

Thinking about his mum she displays some odd reactions to sex and the thought crossed both our minds that her oddness and embarrassment about anything even contexted to bodies or sex could be a sign that she was also abused by same person ( her biological dad).

I'm listening and just letting him open up as needed. He isn't in the right place to discuss councilling .

Anyone had any similar experience or advice. I hate the idea of having to see his family when baby is born and just pretend everything is OK.

I was very fortunate that my grandfather had died well before I had children. It would have been a cold day in hell before he was allowed within 100 miles of my babies.

It raised a lot of issues for me with my mother who when she learned about the abuse, she blamed me, and was far more concerned about protecting my grandfather and making damned sure my father didn't learn of it, than she was about stopping it happening, or worrying about the physical or mental side effects.

All because she assumed it wasn't as bad as what her uncle had done to her.

You are being a wonderful support to your husband. I'd urge him to access some counselling to help process and heal.

I would encourage him to contact NAPAC as the abuse he suffered was not his fault in any way, they also have a website.

Sorry, to clarify it raised a lot of issues for me with my mother when we had children. . .

I;m sorry you have been through that.

Yes i am expecting it to raise more issues when baby arrives. i was expecting some issues just because of the difficult relationship he had with his mum, but this add another side to it.

Thank you for sharing. For me personally I know im going to find it hard knowing that his side of the family wont understand why we don't want much contact from MIL anyway and knowing that it will feed into the ' hes the bad one of the family' narrative because he is low contact. when actually he is such a lovely sensitive person.