It baffles me. His Sister is abusive and has all the traits of a narcissist. Everytime we visit she has to insult someone, in most cases DH and their Mom. She controls the house. Everything has to go her way otherwise she’ll throw a massive tantrum. She makes every situation about herself, if she doesn’t like someone else’s plans she’ll instantly shut them down and try change them to suit herself, no one else’s options matter.
Before DD was born she barely contacted DH, she wasn’t bothered about spending time with him. When she found out I was pregnant she bought a ton of things, which yes was nice but she wouldn’t tell us what was bought or include me and it pretty much made me feel like a surrogate because I couldn’t get anything for my first child.
She emotionally blackmailed my DH sobbing saying she needs to ‘bond’ with DD. At this time she was only around 4 weeks old, I did not feel comfortable and didn’t want to hand DD over as she was coming across creepy and their dog aggressively launched at DD on a visit. DH eventually wore me down, ignoring how I felt, probably because he was too tired to care and she was left with DD a few hours… DD ended up being sick for several days straight.
His Sister suddenly kept contacting him, stopped contacting me even though it was only small talk here and there previously. He said no to babysitting because I wasn’t comfortable. He became distance, mostly ignored my feelings and started shutting me down as soon as I said anything so I felt like I couldn’t speak… his behaviour completely changed.
I accidentally saw a message on his phone, her slating me about me holding my own DD for too long, not giving her back to her and him apologising for what I did. Although I was breastfeeding and she started playing my her phone like she didn’t care… even though I did ask if she’d like to hold DD again after awhile… honestly it pissed me off and paranoid I ended up finding more messages of similar nature, even some of him slating me about going back to work, that I’ll have to go on the ‘corner’ if I don’t.
I stopped looking. Put it to the back of my head, things were okay for awhile, however I recently had a bad feeling since I told her no. I looked (it’s been very long time since) and more slating, DH didn’t defend me once although she practically called me a bad Mother just because she didn’t get her own way.
We eventually ended up in a fight because again he was fussing over his Sister, she making something about herself again. Everything came up, he completely sided with his Sister and shutdown anything I had to say, obviously texting her mid argument. You have no idea how much it hurt. I adore my DD, she’s happy and content, I am not a bad Mother. DH has always said I’m an amazing Mother so why would he not defend me or see why I’m hurt?
He’s not the same person anymore, I feel like his constant daily messages with his Sister have warped him over time, either that or I just didn’t see what he was really like. Now I have to ‘get on’ with his Sister otherwise he doesn’t know we can move forward… I have been nothing but civil until this point, even with what I’ve read, I’ve put up with both of their behaviours, there’s only so much someone can deal with.
I’m aware I shouldn’t have bottled so much up but I felt like I couldn’t speak and because I have well here we are. I was depressed and had anxiety before but now suffering at deeply, I’m also pregnant. Honestly I feel like it isn’t going to work if my myself and my own little family doesn’t come first to him.
Thoughts?