Hi all. This is my first post here. Long story, short apx 7yrs ago my husband seemed to completely lose interest in me, we tried date nights and he spent the whole time on his phone gambling and talking to his like minded gambling buddies. We'd book hotels but he wasn't happy unless I was behaving like a porn star, no intimacy, just the kind of shit you see on porn movies. Although I'm not proud of my actions I started to spend time with a work colleague (male), one thing led to another and we had an 8 week fling. My husband asked me if I'd been seeing someone else (he obviously had his suspicions) and I confessed. He was devastated and I felt absolutely gutted I'd done this to him. I promised him it was a fling, a bit of attention that went too far, etc and I felt so remorseful and guilty. We discussed his options and we decided to stay together and really work at things. Now I'm not sure if the following 5 and a half yrs constitutes working at things; firstly he said he had to have a tracker on my phone, this was pretty much immediately after the fling came to light so I agreed to it. After a few weeks I said I didn't feel comfortable having my every single move tracked and the other person had moved offices so I wasn't in any contact with him. The tracking was reluctantly removed. Then he asked me to have a threesome to which I declined, he said I had to do this to show him I loved him and was truly sorry, he said I clearly had it in me to sleep with other men so I could do it for his pleasure. We went out one night and I had a few drinks and he started to pile the pressure about him watching me with another man, he said he'd found a local singers club that he wanted us to try. I absolutely refused. He said he would kill himself if I didn't give it a go. I reluctantly agreed. He dictated what I wore and how shaven I should be and what he'd like to do at this place. I shall not go into the detail but believe me this place was seedy AF and I was completely terrified, at one point I had to lock myself in a room to get away from some dirty old man who wouldn't take no for an answer. It was hideous. I eventually escaped and told my husband on the way home it wasn't my idea of fun and I wouldn't be trying it again. He hit the roof and started having an absolute meltdown telling me I owed him and he would kill himself. He just went on and on. Thankfully covid presented itself and I had the 2 metre rule to lean on!!! As the yrs have passed by his behaviour has just become more and more erratic, he's been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, ptsd and depression (due to childhood issues) but I cannot justify how he is anymore. He picks arguments with everyone, he's fallen out with my brother, he speaks to our daughter like she's something he's trodden in he actually called her a c*t, tramp and said he likes the sons better than her coz they're not c**s, my daughter and i are really close so not sure if hes trying to get at me via her, she is 19. he is constantly having a go at me, silent treatment, not coming out of his room for days, not eating, texting highly strung dramatic messages incessantly. I know I did a terrible thing but does anyone else think enough is enough and my punishment should be long over. There is tons more, i could go on and on and on... so Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me.