(D)H is a prick

[bifoldbroom]

Hi, I'm new to this and hoping I'm putting this in the right place.

I have been with my (D)H for 21 years, married for 18 years. We have two children aged 17 and 13. Things over the last couple of years have become quite difficult due to my change of career and OH being made redundant. Although to be fair, its been a lot longer than that. He's so controlling. He dislikes me going out with friends, moans when I have after school drinks with my teacher friends (I'm a teacher which he also seems to resent?!). He has, in the past, accused me of having an affair with his best friend (?!), although when I asked him to confirm with his friend, he backtracks.

He is becoming increasingly argumentative and often belittles me in front of both our children and friends.

I have come to the point where I hate him and his criticisms. I can not have a night away with friends without him telling me that I am "abandoning my family," even though he has had many week / weekends away in the past for his hobby and I've never questioned it or even worried.

I am worried my daughter is thinking this is normal partner behaviour, and my son thinks this is a normal way to treat his partner.

I cannot afford the house on my own and I'm worried that he will take the house and the kids. My parents previously owned the house and "sold" it to us for 200k under the selling price (we are in the south east). FYI it was gifted to is both, mot just me.

What can I do? My DD is due to start uni in 1 year and our son is just about to start year 9.

Any help or advice would be well received.

I think parents who were willing to help you out with a house purchase to that extent will have your back.

Have you thought of telling them and getting their support? You may find they have never been that keen on your H but have held back on saying anything for your sake.

I understand that you are attached to your home. Maybe there will be a way that you can keep it.

As a PP says, start planning your escape - and do it now, during the holidays, while you have the time. Don't say a thing to him about it until you have all your ducks in a row.

Would your parents want you to 'stay married, no matter what!' Or would they want you to be happy?

just curious, because it actually doesn't matter. This is YOUR life, not theirs!

its not too late to show your children this is NOT how relationships should be'

Do you want to live like this for the next 40/50 years?

jow much do you want to stay in the house or would a new house, new start be better!

it's scary I know, but you CAN leave and it's no more scary than living like this until one if you dies!!

imagine going out after work & not having 'the dread' of the comments, live your life

Just split he sounds like a prick.

Whether it's this house or a different one, you deserve to be able to spend as much time enjoying your home as you would like. He's stopping you from that basic necessity. From being able to be at home, to properly relax in your home. Tell him you're not happy and you want to end the marriage. But do seek some legal advice first.

Op book an appt with a mortgage advisor, speak to a solicitor.Speak to your parents about the situation at home.There is a way out of this and you will be OK.You gave a right to he happy.Divorces happen all the time.Yoh don't have to out up with this.Please Google women's charities in your area/CAB for advice and support.