Can my friendship recover from this?

[Seaswimmingforthesoul]

I have a lovely friend who I have been close with for about 15 years. We were inseperable, worked together, holidayed together and were roommates. We have been through many ups and downs together and have both been very supportive.
When I got married she was the one to come wedding dress shopping with me, she was my bridesmaid, helped plan my hen do, was with me the night before i got married and the next morning whilst I was getting ready etc.
When she got married a few years later I knew that she had a lot of friends from her home town who she would want as bridesmaids so whilst i hoped i might be, I didn't really expect to be picked, and i wasnt. However, she also chose another girl who I wasn't expecting to to choose and this really threw me. She's not a childhood friend and she doesn't live near us, they don't see each other often, so from that perspective I was shocked. I didn't even think they were that close.
Now I truly believe that people should have EXACTLY the wedding they want, and I am not angry with my friend, she is absolutely entitled to have things exactly as she wanted. However, I do feel very hurt that she didnt want me as a part of it all. I hoped that the feelings would get easier over time but it's been about 2 years now and I still feel the same way. I went to the wedding, and celebrated with them (her husband is also a long time friend) and I have never said a single word about it, but honestly, hearing stories about them wedding dress shopping, having bridesmaids days out, getting ready, doing hair and make up etc just made me so so sad. It made me realise that our friendship was far more important to me than it is to her. It has left me feeling honestly heartbroken, knowing I chose her to be with me on my most important day but she chose 6 other people over me.
I know it's selfish as it's her day and I TRULY do understand that. I just feel so rejected and honestly a bit embarrassed that one of the people I chose as one of the closest people to me in the world didnt see me the same way. It hasnt been mentioned at all, she didnt acknowledge it at the time or since. Our friendship does seem to have waned over the past couple of years. She still makes effort to message and ask to meet up and it's always lovely when we do but the disappointment and hurt is still so acute for me.
How can I get past this? I really miss what we had.

As you say, it’s been two years now. You just need to stop thinking about it. Otherwise it will taint your friendship.

Well yes...I'd probably feel the same as you but you need to shelve it now.

That's sad, I'm sorry you went through that. It sounds like you're right that you feel far closer to her than she does to you. I suppose it depends whether you feel you can take a step back and have a more low-key friendship, or whether you'll always miss the closeness you (thought you) had.
If your friendship has drifted since then, I imagine she's aware that it was a bit awkward, even if she didn't say it at the time.

And yes, your friendship can and will continue...but it will be changed because of your realisation. You'll regard her more coolly but I think that's appropriate.

To be honest I could NEVER have done what she did.

If I had a friend who had chosen me to do all the things you say, I would have had her as a bridesmaid. even if she wouldn't have been otherwise, it would have felt too cruel to leave them out.

In her position I would have just had 7 instead of 6. I guess unless she has been bridesmaid for loads of other people too? In which case I guess it would have been more difficult for her.

HAS she been bridesmaid LOADS of times before - were any of them bridesmaid for her?? If not maybe she was was trying to be fair by having none rather than some?

the people for whom I was bridesmaid automatically made it onto my list of bridesmaids. Barring any massive falling out, I felt it was the right thing to do!

This is an interesting thought, but no, in the time I've known her she's been bridesmaid twice, both to women she chose as bridesmaids.
I'm.unsure if my post makes it seem like perhaps I read the friendship wrong, but I know I didn't. Everyone knew how close we were.
I have to say, I feel the same way as you do about it. If it was the other way around there's no way I'd exclude her.

I completely understand why you feel so hurt, I would too. It’s a horrible feeling to realise a friendship is so much more important to you than the other person. I think it was unkind of her not to ask you given how important she’d been in your wedding, surely she would have realised you’d be upset. I have seen this situation play out almost identically and the bride asked the friend in question to do a reading and spoke to her properly about why she hadn’t been asked to be a bridesmaid. Ultimately I think all you can do is decide if you want to continue to be friends with her but retain the knowledge that she doesn’t place the same importance on the friendship, and ensure to invest in other friendships too. Alternatively you can distance yourself, which does seem a shame if you still have a lovely time.