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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just why

20 replies

tryingsohard23 · 11/08/2023 20:08

My boyfriend who I adored broke up with me completely out of the blue I was devastated he said it was my fault I didn't appreciate him. He then got a new girlfriend straight away which broke me. So I cut all contact. I have just found out on social media they have had a baby boy which would have been conceived while we were still together. I am broken all over again.
This pain is like nothing else. I feel like everything was a lie I don't know how I will ever trust again or get over this.

OP posts:

Hawkins009 · 11/08/2023 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Birthdayblu · 11/08/2023 20:22

@Hawkins009 how utterly unhelpful.

op, I know it’s a searing pain. But you’re better off out of it. You did SO well to cut him off the first time. You can do it again.

Whatever you had felt very real to you. It was probably real to him at one point until - for whatever reason - it wasn’t. That’s not excusing what he did, but it’s unlikely it was a lie in its entirety. No one is that good an actor…

And you are too good to be with a cheat. He was the wrong one, lovely. She’s stuck with him now and you have your freedom and future.

Hawkins009 · 11/08/2023 20:23

Birthdayblu · 11/08/2023 20:22

@Hawkins009 how utterly unhelpful.

op, I know it’s a searing pain. But you’re better off out of it. You did SO well to cut him off the first time. You can do it again.

And you are too good to be with a cheat. He was the wrong one, lovely. She’s stuck with him now and you have your freedom and future.

My apologies

Ofcourseshecan · 11/08/2023 20:25

you are too good to be with a cheat. He was the wrong one, lovely. She’s stuck with him now and you have your freedom and future.

This.

I’m sorry it’s hurting now, OP. But you don’t want a man like that in your life.

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 11/08/2023 20:28

He's a horrible person. He lied, cheated and told you it was your fault. There are much nicer men out there, now you're free to go and find one while she is shackled to that piece of shit for life through that baby. Dust yourself off, lift your head high and realise that you are much better off without him.

Original poster

tryingsohard23 · 11/08/2023 21:26

Thank you I just feel like I was so irrelevant to him that he couldn't even tell me about the baby let me find out like that. I wouldn't treat my worst enemy like that. X

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/08/2023 21:28

What a cold bastard. I’m so sorry love 💐

Motnight · 11/08/2023 21:46

Honestly Op in a little while you will realise how lucky you are not to have had a child with this wanker.of a man and to have escaped him.

Aubree17 · 11/08/2023 22:19

It sounds like you've had a lucky escape.

How he's tried to turn it around and make out it was you who was in the wrong "by not appreciating" him is a form of gaslighting.

I know it hurts today. But I will promise you one thing. One day you will look back and see all the reasons why he wasn't right for you.

In the meantime throw yourself into a project.

You've got this, don't look back 💐

thecatsarecrazy · 12/08/2023 03:12

Well you know what a piece of shit he is now, and she's stuck with him for good with a child In the mix, luckily you are free of the prick.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 12/08/2023 03:24

I think you should laugh. He was seeing both of you, and it took her being pregnant to force him to leave. They are going to be miserable together. He doesn’t really want to be with her and she knows the situation forced his hand. You will go on to date someone amazing and they will be stuck until he eventually leaves. You are so very lucky you dodged this shitshow. The happy family photos on social media don’t show what is going on in real life. In a years time there will be another woman holding that baby in his social media pics, and hers will be full of inspirational quotes. I have lived long enough to see this play out many times.

patterpittercake · 12/08/2023 03:40

The pain is awful and although it's hard to see it now, you've has a lucky escape that you will be thankful for in the future.
It will get easier and you will be happy again

Original poster

tryingsohard23 · 12/08/2023 10:32

Thank you everyone I know you are right but at the moment all I can think is he has a happy family after destroying me twice

OP posts:

Bowbowbo · 12/08/2023 10:44

That it’s a happy family is a big assumption OP…

Your devastation is understandable and I really feel for you. But you will get over it by concentrating on you, actively banishing any thoughts of him. He’s just shit on your shoe.

Mmhmmn · 12/08/2023 11:00

tryingsohard23 · 12/08/2023 10:32

Thank you everyone I know you are right but at the moment all I can think is he has a happy family after destroying me twice

Don't worry, I doubt it'll last long. Cheat's gonna cheat. You get on with enjoying your life and be glad you didn't have kids with the cheat.

Seaoftroubles · 12/08/2023 11:36

OP, l doubt it's a happy family, he was cheating during your relationship and she got pregnant. That's why he had to finish things with you, not because you didn't appreciate him.
He is no loss, honestly, a liar and a cheat! Reframe your thinking and realise you have had a lucky escape from a two timing low life.
Keep away from social media as you only see the good bits of people's lives not the reality. From today concentrate on your well being, do things you enjoy and spoil yourself as much as you can.

Circumferences · 12/08/2023 11:42

If he hadn't got her pregnant he'd have just two-timed you indefinitely.
Not a catch.
He does not have a "happy family".

BeckiWithAnI · 12/08/2023 21:36

All of what the others have just said, although I would add that him not telling you probably wasn’t because you were irrelevant. In a messed up way he probably didn’t want to hurt you anymore than he had already, and equally he does have a right to move on and have a family with someone else (happily or not- no one but those involved can ever really know).

In time you will also move on and find someone who will treat you as you deserve.

….He’s still a sh*t though.

Original poster

tryingsohard23 · 12/08/2023 21:56

@BeckiWithAnI yes he most certainly has a right to move on with his new family unfortunately it won't be as easy for me as I have lost faith in love because of him but thanks

OP posts:

BeckiWithAnI · 12/08/2023 22:44

It’s easy to feel that way now after what he has put you through, but you can’t let him hold that much power over you. Be kinder to yourself. Time heals all wounds and your self-worth is not and should not be tied to this man’s actions. He really does not sound worth it.

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