My parents lie to me

[Whatyaname]

Both my parents lie to me. I'm in my late thirties with 2 children, they are both early 60s. Both haven't been very supportive parents over the years, but like to offer help which they rarely follow through on. They will lie to cover up their broken promises of support (I'm also a single parent).

My mother often drinks too much and we have an agreement that we will not speak over the phone unless she's sober. Recently, when I have spoken to her I've sensed that she's been drinking alcohol due to slurring and she has adamantly denied it. Even said she was taking offence at one point. Then I discovered that she has been lying. She has been drinking again and calling me.

My Dad will offer all sorts of services: gardening, pet care, watering plants, DIY.
I have suspected that he hasn't really been watering my plants when I've been going on holiday for a few years. Then I had a couple of discreet cameras fitted and didn't mention it. Nothing to do with him but for security. Surprise, surprise, he was lying about watering my plants. He came once during the week I was away after telling me he had been 3 times. He has also lied about calling over to let my dog out when I had to work in the office one day last week. I wish he would just be honest so I can pay someone else to do these jobs rather than lying about them all the time! He just shouldn't offer.

If I confront him, he'll only have some other cover up story, some made up bullshit emergency story so why bother?

My mother will lie about where she's been when she changes arrangements with me. I always say to her, just be honest, I can deal with the truth. Just don't tell lies. If you don't feel like seeing me and the children, just say so and I can make other plans instead of lying about working when she isn't etc.

I feel like I deserve so much better than this. I don't know any other parents who lie like this. I find it so weird and disloyal. I don't want to fall out with them at all, but I get more honesty from my kids.

I think the best thing would be to just presume they're not going to do anything for you and don't ask them to. Get someone else to water and let the dog out.

People don't change. I think it's best to just accept them. If you talk to your mum and suspect she's drinking just make an excuse to get off the phone and don't engage again until she's sober. Don't get into a discussion about them lying, just switch off when they do it.

To add, I don't rely on them for any childcare at all. See them once a fortnight at most, ask nothing of them at all so it's hardly like I'm overly-dependent on them

Yes I think relying on them less even when they offer things would be the best option. It's really difficult as they offer a lot- always have "good intentions" but rarely follow through. I spoke to my aunt about it and she said they always have good intentions. I find it frustrating because having good intentions doesn't help me at all. Atleast if they never offered I could pay someone to help me instead.

It's difficult seeing other single mum friends being supported by their parents so I think a part of me jumps at their offers of support and time together, only to be let down anyway.

if it were me I would have to say something! Oh, I noticed from my camera you didn't actually come when you said you would about XX and XX. Unfortunately this really affects me so I won't be asking you to do it again, and really would appreciate honesty in the future. that's it then cut the discussion off.

He would just lie @liondreams I can imagine something like "I didn't want to tell you and spoil your holiday but your grandfather has been really poorly and I had to spend a lot of time with him at the nursing home." He really would come up with anything at all- more lies to cover lies. That's what he does. He's lied about broken down cars and all sorts in the past to get out of his false promises.