Can individual counselling help my relationship?

[BartlebyTheScrivener]

We've had joint counselling, I don't feel was ever really 100% honest during the zoom sessions (pandemic). I do have my own mental health issues but I am considering individual relationship counselling for myself to try to help me develop more resilience. There is a history of online cheating on his part and lots of red flags that I ignored early on including too much reliance on alcohol and cannabis (I was an idiot). I am hoping if I can become a bit tougher and more accepting I might be happier. Has anyone had any success with individual counselling?

More accepting? Why would you want to be more accepting? Wouldn’t you rather be happy?

Yes, you're right, that's probably my ultimate goal and I wonder if counselling might help.

Yes I think individual counselling will help you to think about what you want from the relationship and what you are getting from it in spite of the red flags you mention.

Best of luck

'Tougher' and 'more accepting' don't fit together.

Putting up with more shit does not make you tough. The same as saying 'no' to being treated poorly does not make you weak.

Often in relationships with rotten people, they try to convince us that we are the problem. Þhat we are too sensitive or that we overreact or that we misunderstand them.

They do this so that we qre too busy looking inwards trying to change us to see that THEY are fucking bastards.

The only thing wrong with you is you are being brainwashed to think you're supposed to tolerate this crappy man. By this crappy man.

You deserve kindness, respect, empathy and love from your partner. Your feelings are valid.

STOP trying to child you to fix him.
He likes treating you like shit.

Individual counciling to gelp you establish why you've put up with this arsehole for so long might help you. Help you find yourself again.

But first, get the fuck away from him!

Telling fuckers to fuck off out of your life, that they no longer get to treat you like shit, is not weakness. Its strength.

*STOP trying to change you to fix him.

Just run! Run fast and run far.

Yes, counselling should help you decide how you want to move on in life. Whether to put up with what you have or to make changes and have a better life.

Individual counselling to help you look at why you want to put up with this

I mean let's be fair, he's a cheating alcoholic who you've stayed with anyway. I think you could win the gold, silver and bronze medals on 'being accepting' at the Olympics already!

You don't need to be more accepting. You need to get the fuck out of there and stop letting this loser treat you like shit for a second longer!

And to reiterate- saying NO to horrible treatment does not make you weak. No matter how they might try to convince you otherwise, so they can keep treating you like shit. Tolerating crap does not make you tough. It makes you a martyr.

Just get away.

Who owns the property you live in.
Do you have any DC together.
You can still leave.