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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex has labelled me manipulative

6 replies

Icycloud · 11/08/2023 12:07

I thought well of him until it dawned on me one day that he never had anything nice to say about me and was putting me down all of the time, making me more self conscious which I didn’t need, taking whatever last bit of self esteem I had. I was never good enough. Whenever something awful happened to me, it would always somehow be something I deserved, no moral support either. He was never kind. I was always walking on egg shells because of his moods, always trying to cheer him up, he was always snapping at me. The first time I pointed it out to him, he said he shows his love through his actions and wants me to better myself. But I thought there was more to it than that. So I pointed it out to him again, which was when he broke up with me, because he can’t deal with me pushing him? I flippantly swore and he thought he had discovered my “true face” and called me pure evil which I thought was an over reaction. I later wished him well as he clearly has issues, I’m assuming he was trying to make himself feel bigger, based on what he’s told me about himself before? .I sent a message to let him know I realised what he had been doing, destroying me bit by bit, clearly never loved me, hope he gets help, and he has said he isn’t even going to read it as I am only trying to manipulate him.

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 11/08/2023 12:14

Well done. You re ognised abusive behaviour.

now block him, read some self-help books, work on your self esteem, have counselling - look if it is offered with work health packages some places offer.

and DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HIM FURTHER

Pinkbonbon · 11/08/2023 12:15

He read it.

He's trying to manipulate you.

You saw what he was and he had to run. He's trying to turn it round and make you the bad guy. Trying to make you so mad that you say something angry and he can further twist that to claim you are nasty.

You just say 'OK, cool story bro'. And then never speak with him again. Block him.

Otherwise he might come crawling back to test you again at some point.

He's a scumball. And he hates you (they hare everyone and resentbother peoples joy) That's why he wants you to feel hurt and insecure and like you must be the one in the wrong. His sort want everyone else to lose, to fail, to hurt.

You've seen it now. Keep him gone.

MrsSlocombesCat · 11/08/2023 12:42

I second what has already been said. The best way to make him see that you no longer care is to move on and be happy. He won’t like that one bit. Block him, he’ll like that even less. And don’t ever have contact with him again.

SamW98 · 11/08/2023 12:47

My x did the same. Turned everything back in me.

Took me a little while to get my head straight and realise he was a narcissistic gaslighting lying cheating twat.
The day I blocked him I as the day my life g better.

It’s classic manipulative controlling behaviour. Don’t engage, shut the door lock it and move forward

TheWayoftheLeaf · 11/08/2023 13:12

Reverse victim and offender. It's what they do to keep their ego safe and feel like they are the wronged one.

Move on and block him.

Cleotolstoy · 11/08/2023 17:04

I can't tell you how refreshing it is to read someone who has recognised they're with an asshole and got out. Block him and read about recovering and repairing self esteem. You need to understand how you fell in to this relationship. Be proud of yourself. You did good!

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