Wtf do I do

[Christonskiis]

I have posted before ex under a different username. Long story short he was abusive and I reported to the police who I felt didn't really believe me. motivation is to protect others.

Now I have recently found out he was exactly the same with the person before me. Almost a carbon copy of the sexual coercion, stonewalling etc that I have experienced.

I don't want to pass on her details to police because that's a shitty thing to do, I feel reporting is a very personal decision.

I now know he is a bona fide abuser and feel I should do something with the information. I just don't know how to handle this situation or new information.

In a way yes - you could message her but she is unlikely to believe you

I know you are treating to do a kind thing but can I ask why you are looking back as that is not the way you are supposed to be going? (Forward)

Dont dwell on it. Get on with your life and let others live theirs - also I didn’t know you could contact the police under these circumstances as it’s not really their job to police relationships

Trying*

@Quitelikeit she definitely won't believe me, he has likely made me out to be a complete nutter because I have figured him out.

I contacted ex as I was going crazy round in circles doubting myself that the abuse happened. So it has given me confirmation that it wasn't just me.

I contacted police because it is sexual assault and they have confirmed that.

Sadly there’s unlikely to be anything you can do - she’ll find out the hard way like you did

I don't understand what you are asking. You said you've found out he abused the previous partner before you, and you want to pass her details on to the police? And posters are saying she won't believe you, but you know she was abused, so she would believe you, wouldn't she? I'm confused!

Pass her details on to the police. She can always decline to answer any questions if they contact her but this also means they could see a pattern if anyone else has complained(?) about him.

@KatherineSwynford1403 I just don't know what to do.

Yes the previous partner told me she was abused too. I wouldn't pass her info on to the police though, as she is likely to be contacted and asked for a statement if I did that and I don't want to put someone in that position.

I wouldn't dream of contacting the new partner either. She is what I would probably class as vulnerable and will be well under his spell.

I don't even know the purpose of my post. I expected he abused previous partners too but the confirmation is a little overwhelming I guess.

Ffs do NOT pass her details to the police! That decision is hers alone.

Op how did you find out?

@pinkyredrose I asked her for my own sanity. She was happy to talk to me and said if she was in my position she would want to know as well.

I don't want to pass on her details to police because that's a shitty thing to do, I feel reporting is a very personal decision.
I missed this. However I know of a rapist who was put away because of five, yes five, previous partners went to court. It was the police who followed up each contact once they knew who the previous partner was. It wouldn't have gone to court (or prison ) on one person's evidence as he kept claiming consensual. It's difficult to kept that going if five women say it wasn't.

I'm confused - are you meaning passing on the old GF details or a new GF details?
If it is a new GF and he has been convicted, a Claire's Law could be requested on behalf of the new GF. Don't know the ins and outs but:

Can someone else use Clare’s law on my behalf?Yes. If a family member or a friend is worried about you, they can make an application for information to the police.
If the police decide there is information you should know, they will tell you, even if it was someone else who made the application.

The old one's details.

She was kind enough to talk to you and give you her story. But you can’t pass her details on to the police. That is a decision only she can make.

@tombero no I'm absolutely not planning to

If the ex was willing you and she could go to the police together. It may not go anywhere but I believe would stay on record and would be disclosed under any future Clare's Law applications. That's the most you can do, and obviously comes with its own risks to you and the other ex as he may be interviewed and that may refocus his abuse on you and/or her. I can understand completely how it's made you feel though OP, feel free to vent here or maybe speak to a counsellor, it's understandable you need to process what you've found out

@HerAvatar I've not broached it with her, because as I say, I feel it is such a personal decision. One I feel you need to come to yourself.

I have a therapy session next week so will discuss it then. I only started this week.

I also spoke to the police previously but got the feeling they didn't believe me by their almost sarcastic remarks. But when two people are saying the same it is harder to dispute. As I say though, I'm not dragging anyone else in to that unless they come to the decision themselves.

The last time I spoke to the police they essentially said that if I made a statement they would have to take it further. I know I do not have enough evidence to get a conviction, however I do have some and him admitting to coercive behaviour in messages as well. They never looked at that.

All I want is to have this on file in case it helps someone in future, I don't believe he would rape someone randomly, but you just never know and if they have the intelligence it could be the difference between someone getting justice and not.

So have you actually made a statement to the police, formally?

And did you ask the ex partner whether she wanted to report it?

And did you tell her that you have reported it/ are going to report it?

I didn't realise there was a new partner as that wasn't in the OP. You and the ex could make a joint referral to the police and they might get a Claire's Law notification out of it.

Previous partner who suffered abuse —- you can only say something like you know you can report him to police even though it was xx years ago, or contact Women’s Aid if you feel you need support . She has the information then to use as she wishes.
Agree you can’t tell his current g/f as it makes you look stalkerish.
Hopefully this man is in your past where he belongs and you can move forward.

@YoBeaches no formal statement.

As in my op I found out he abused her after my report.

I haven't said anything to other ex about my report. I made contact for me not to get evidence.

It's sounds like you want it to be taken further though, is that true?

If you do, then I would make the formal statement and inform the previous ex that you have done so. And she can make her own decision to or not.

@YoBeaches I don't have it in me to go through the whole court process so a conviction isn't something I would want to pursue. I don't have the balls.

I would, however, like it formally recorded because I know he is a predator. The issue is that if I make the formal statement, the police have said they are obliged to take it as far as they can. I guess I do understand because sexual assault is serious.

He's done it at least twice already, he will do it again and I just want it recorded in case it helps anyone in future.

Then in your shoes I would take it one step at a time. It might not get to court but you just don't know what an investigation could uncover, from the past or from current relationships.

You don't know what you don't know that could lead to a conviction irrespective of your individual experience.

One step at a time without overthinking the outcomes

Its good you have therapy in place to help you .

@YoBeaches this is true. I think I need to contact the police again and get that statement formalised.