Living with ex DH whilst divorce is going through and he is making life hell

[Waterhill22]

Hi, I'm after some advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am going through a divorce and we are still living together until we have a financial settlement and can sell the family home and buy 2 separate houses. My ex is and always has been a high conflict person who shouts a lot and can be incredibly difficult to live with. I decided to end our marriage after meeting someone else a year ago.

Although we are going through a divorce, my ex can't move on and sends me emails and messages everyday saying what an awful person I am. When we are home together he shouts at me constantly or just completely ignores me. We have 3 children (12, 10 and 6) and this is really distressing for them. The divorce process seems to be taking so long and I don't know what to do to make him stop shouting all the time. I am so worried about the impact that all of this will have on the children. He doesn't shout at them, just at me. Has anyone got any advice for how to live together when divorcing, especially when he doesn't want the divorce and blames me entirely for it. Thank you for any help!

When I divorced my husband we lived in the same house during most of the divorce. Thos was before no fault came in and I divorced him for unreasonable behaviour. There was a terrible atmosphere and he was verbally abusive to me and the dd's.

I moved out the bedroom and slept on the floor for almost 18months in a box room we used as a office.

I spoke to my solicitor about the situation and the impact it was having on the dc and myself and she wrote his a letter asking him to move out on the condition I would pay the bills and mortgage until the house was sold. He did but was very nasty about it making threats to me and telling me in front of the kids that I could not afford to live without him. He moved out after we agreed the finances but before the solicitor had prepared it and it went to court.

Take one day at a time. Try and get some support. Women's aid.

Keep a record of the messages but do not respond. You can contact the police.

I had 4 months of staying with exH before moving to my new place and it was very difficult so you have my sympathies.

Things that helped me get through were:

1. Grey rock technique
2. Walking out the room if he was shouting and refusing to engage with him unless he “spoke to me in a normal voice” I was surprised at how successful this was.
3. Having my own room which I could retreat to - is this possible for you, OP?
4. Getting a break by staying overnight at my mums once a week
5. Trying to focus on how life would be once I left
6. Keeping busy with work hobbies and the kids

It is really hard but try to remember it is only transient and when you are gone it will be so much better

good luck 💐