Still sleeping with/seeing my ex. Need some tough love & arse kicking!

[MinorHedgehog]

That’s it really. We split up May time and it was very much him that ended it over what I thought were wishy washy minor reasons. I struggled in the beginning but then had got into a good headspace and was feeling ok only for him to unblock me on WhatsApp & start viewing my statuses again and contact started back up.
For the last couple of months we have been meeting up and sleeping together on and off. It’s not just sex, we’ll spend 2 or 3 days or nights together and it’s like we’re back in a relationship, talking, cuddling, watching films, ordering food etc. Then go a couple of weeks with nothing and it will happen again. The last time it happened he said “this isn’t healthy, we can’t keep doing this” and I agreed. Then I bumped into him in town, we started chatting and he came over for a coffee and didn’t leave for 2 days. I have feelings for him and feel like everything is ok when I am with him. But I know he doesn’t have the same level of feelings towards me. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me and I know deep down I am just filling a gap until he meets someone he does want to be with and then it will be a whole world of pain. I just struggle to be strong and am finding it so hard to move on 😞

No advice … I’m still doing the exact same

a year later

Oh OP, you're being used. You really need to find some self respect and stop doing this. If he's unblocked you then maybe you should take control and block him on all platforms. Like you say, he's using you as a stop-gap until someone else comes along. Remind yourself of this if you bump into him whilst out.

It’s so hard isn’t it! A year 😮 my mental health feels all over the place and it’s only been a couple of months, I hate myself for not having better boundaries or being stronger. He knows he could click his fingers and I would come running back and he must be loving that eugh

I know this is what I should do, I just wish I felt strong enough to do it!!! I start thinking but when I am in a good place and have stayed strong and not messaged him, he’ll suddenly see a profile pic of me looking amazing (when I get my arse into gear and go back to the gym haha) and will kick himself but I know that is wishful thinking! And in the meantime I’m obsessively checking when he has been online, thinking is he messaging someone else etc.

@MinorHedgehog I am not sure any of us can tell you anything you don’t already know. You seem clued up in your OP that he’s just using you as a stop gap, that he doesn’t want a relationship with you and he doesn’t love you. He wants to take all the good things from you whilst still being single because he knows you are not the one long term. Until you stop letting yourself be used in this way nothing will change. You are probably also filling the gaps with the crumbs he is offering. People find it so hard to move on from shit situations when feelings are involved but they will never find a better situation until they do. So it’s round in circles they go. He’s basically downgraded you from girlfriend to FWB and you have allowed that to happen. Just tell him it needs to stop and you want to move on from him. Don’t try and be friends with him, just go no contact.