Am I being petty or is he a prick?

[Strawberryfieldsforeverrr]

DH has always enjoyed more drinks than I'd like, but we've muddled through. We don't share a bed because of his snoring.

We've just been on a city break with the kids and slept 4 in a room. I asked him not to drink for the 4 days we were away as it makes his snoring even worse.

I did an evening event with one dc and he stayed at the hotel with the other, as soon as I walked in I knew he'd had a drink as he was snoring like a pig. Try as I might I couldn't sleep and ended up booking another room. It was ridiculously expensive.

I'm beyond furious. He put his desire to have a drink above my need to sleep. I appreciate if you like a drink then it's nice to have one on holiday, but surely to fuck anyone can go 4 days without an alcoholic drink?!

We're home now and I'm planning to have it out with him, but I know he thinks I'm being ridiculous. It's just so fucking entitled isn't it, what he did?

Sometimes there’s a straw which breaks a camel’s back.

@Stratocumulus I think you've just nailed it. In that very sentence.

Yes and no. Asking him not to have a drink on his holiday is a bit unfair as well. Especially as you know he likes to drink as you say too much, reducing was probably a more realistic request. He was always destined to fail.

I think it would have been wiser to look at something where you weren’t sharing rooms from the get go. However if this is just an example of further selfishness and being inconsiderate then yes you need to bring it up.

My DH is snoring so loudly in another room so I understand the frustration of snorers believe me!!

@Imogensmumma it was prohibitively expensive to book two rooms, so when we booked he said he wouldn't drink. I mentioned it a few times again and yes, 100%, not going to drink. I wouldn't have booked the holiday otherwise.

He genuinely has plenty of opportunity to drink, he works away, has as many nights out as he wants etc. It was more a holiday for the dc than for us IYSWIM, so I thought he wouldn't feel the need to shove beer down his neck at the first chance. I just feel so let down I could cry.

His drinking is impacting on his family and he can't stick to plans not to drink - he has a problem with alcohol.

He is selfish, can't keep a promise and is belittling you and your reaction.
I would be disappointed and angry.

What does ‘he enjoys a drink more than you’d like’ mean? Without knowing this, it’s hard to gauge if it’s unreasonable. Does it mean he drinks a glass of wine a night or 15 pints? Do you drink?

Personally, I wouldn’t have booked a single room for you all to sleep for a whole weekend because it guarantees that if one person doesn’t sleep, no one does.

I do understand your point as you said it was more for the children for a few days break. Do you think he has a drink problem in your honest opinion if he could not drink for a few days or is he drinking more than he lets on when he is away. Are you also left to do all the childcare and looking after the family home while he is away or does he help out when he is home. If you do it all then resentment will build up and can understand you not wanting him drinking with the kids there and all in one room.

Can you sit down and talk honestly with him without accusing him even though know this is hard as he will only get his back up, just try to talk to him and see what he says about the drinking.
Grew up with drinking in family,not in the house as people do these days but did not bring my child up with drinking and I only take a drink if go to a wedding or rare night out or new years but most my family drink loads and think I am weird because I don't. Hope you get to talk to him and see does it help as issues can build up over time and does he drink to unwind if has a stressful job and he just likes a drink. Hope you are ok and have someone to talk to and not isolated and doing it all.

@PatTesting so his drinking has been very excessive at points. He once (that I know of) woke up and finished the last glass of wine left in last night's bottle. He drinks whisky and hides the glass, but will leave 2 lager bottles on the side as an "acceptable" amount of recycling. If we go to a wedding or suchlike he's drunk to the point he can't make a sentence. I feel like an absolute idiot writing this, we both enjoyed a drink pre-dc and I wrongly assumed everyone dropped it down several levels once dc were here.

@BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants I'm like you, my children have never seen me drunk, I don't know why they'd ever need to. I've tried to talk to him this evening and he's just gone off the handle, stating I embarrassed him by asking him to wear a nose strip to reduce the snoring. To be honest I'm so resentful of so many things I just can't see us working a way forward.

Snoring is really hard on the partner who has to listen to it but practically impossible for the snorer to understand. They also can't really help it. It may be worse when he drinks but he'd have likely snored anyway?

I don't think any adult can control another's behaviour, you can only decide what you're prepared to accept and take action accordingly.

@PurpleSteak you're right, he snores anyway, but when he hasn't had a drink he's rousable so can be nudged to move, when he's had a drink it's a thousand times worse.

I think his stonewalling around even discussing it and turning it around to be my fault has made me realise I need to make a move, I don't want to be living this miserable life in 20 years time.