Life right now is so difficult but it will get better - staying?

[Sighingandgroaning]

Life is pretty difficult. I have two under threes. Obviously, they take a lot of time. I have a husband who I do love but his behaviour is so obnoxious of late I am feeling frustrated and annoyed much of the time and it’s affecting everything.

The main bugbear is he works from home. Our house has a study downstairs that is next to the lounge. If we are in you can hear him on the phone and on virtual meetings. It’s hugely disruptive because two yo constantly wants to go into him to play. I spend half my life intercepting this and having tantrums thrown. Mostly it’s too much like hard work so we just end up out all day which is different hard work (and expensive.) I know it probably seems pretty obvious that he could work somewhere else or go back to the office but he won’t, so that’s really where we’re at.

Although my life is nice in a lot of ways never being able to properly relax has got me down. And the fact he’s so inconsiderate about it has had me question everything. But it’s a massive thing to break up a family and in a few years the kids will be older and understand a bit more.

I know no one can tell me what to do. But my head is a bit of a mess just now.

It won’t get better whilst you’re with an inconsiderate man; maybe the kids will go to school but he’ll still be the same

Well try and fix things first

he needs a lock on the door or a seperate space

you have 2 small ones at home

and effective immediately you need to schedule in some self care time

either a Class or a bike ride or something weekly that gets you totally away

if you and him can communicate and get you some headspace things might be better

if you can’t , and he can’t accommodate then maybe you need a think

Talk about first world problems!

What is he doing that’s obnoxious? If he’s working I can see why he doesn’t want to be interrupted. Why not fit a lock so he can lock the office door when he’s working?

You could always try soundproofing the office door as a temporary measure so the kids can't hear him working. That might mitigate them wanting to go in to him all the time. Or move his office upstairs if possible. I love working from home so I understand his desire to do it but not if it's disruptive to the people living in the home. It's a home first, a workplace second. He needs to understand this.

I personally would have a last talk with him, explain it how you have here, how you feel like you have no home or space while he's working because he manages to disrupt the whole house and schedule, and it can't carry on. You shouldn't have to clear out of your own home all day so he can work. If he doesn't get on board with coming up with a solution that works for both of you, I'd just start letting the kids go into him. Let them disrupt his day, see how he likes it.

A lock on the door won’t solve the problems of children crying and tantrumming, not being able to have friends over, not being able to make ‘normal’ noise levels.

First world problem OK but try leaving the house at 830 and not returning until 5 every day with two little ones.

He has a separate space but won’t go in it.