Advice on how to cope in a relationship you no longer want but cannot get away from?

[Worri3d]

So short story is if i'm being 100% honest is that since the first year of my relationship i've realised i don't want to be with my DP, but we have a DC together, pets, a joint tenancy and i feel stuck. 3 years on and i have completely had enough, we haven't had what i would call a completely serious discussion about me wanting to leave but there has been many arguments etc where i have asked him if he would leave and he's made it very very clear he would never leave the house and i don't think there is anything i can do about that when we have a joint tenancy on our rented house? We pay 50/50.
I would happily leave but i am a lower earner as i work part time, monthly rental prices are just over what i earn in a month. I would be entitled to universal credit but being on UC makes landlords twitchy and plus i have no idea if i would pass the checks when my wage alone would not cover all the bills? Nevertheless i have been enquiring for any suitable rentals i can find but am always told I'm not suitable for one reason or another. My next step is to join the social housing register but i know i wont have any priority considering i have a roof over my head.

My partner is not physically or verbally abusive but we don't have a great relationship and he has a temper, he definitely tries to manipulate and gaslight me at times. He's a very shouty parent and i don't want to raise my DC like that so we argue about that. He also uses his size (he's over 6ft and muscular) against me for example he will corner me in a room to wind me up and only let me go when he's ready, he'll grab hold of my wrist/arm if he wants something and not let go (that sounds so stupid written down but it drives me insane)
I don't have much of a social life as i look after DC while he does his hobbies etc and of course he does nothing around the house either.

I don't want to live like this forever but until DC gets older and i can work full time maybe and earn enough to be able to rent a house by myself i feel like i'm stuck here, is anybody else in a similar boat or has been and have any advice to share to help me survive until then?

Not physically or verbally abusive but he gaslights you and holds your wrist so you can't leave or fight back???

That doesn't sound like "not physically or verbally abusive".

He is both verbally and physically abusive. Phone Women's Aid today, OP.

Hey, sorry to hear things aren't good, it's hard.

Obviously I don't know everything about your situation but from what you have said so far, I would say that is kinda abusive behavior. I've had it the other way around from my wife and I like you perhaps minimized it, I just took it and thought oh just short tempered but it was actually abuse and it got worse year after year. Not once through that did I ever retaliate, shout back, hit or restrain her.

There's different kinds of abuse not just physical, something I didn't know during. The result of emotional and psychological is you become a shell of the person you were, you doubt reality, yourself and them. You kinda know it's wrong but you want to see the best in them and brush it off. It can make you very sick, you end up doing the majority of everything while they do as they please. You basically become a servant with no opinion or voice of your own.

I would say myself that has the indicators there from what you have said, and then the cornering and holding you too. That's asserting dominance, you are not seen as an equal. This also extends to children I found, over the top shouting as it's what they can do without getting into trouble.

Housing situation is hard, I'm not in that position but yeah not sure how you would stand council wise. The only other obvious route is a refuge if you have safety concerns. Failing that do you have any family you can go to?

If you do have family and it was me, I would cut my losses rent wise and just take the loss on that front but depends on your circumstances I guess. I don't think you can force him out unless you have to call the police and have him removed.

Again, may not be your situation like mine but be wary as they can ramp up if they suspect you are pulling away, everything is about power and control in those circumstances.

It is emotional and physical abuse, OP. It would probably be quite a journey, but abuse would give you priority for social housing. Please, get advice about your situation but cover your tracks eg delete searches and phone numbers from your phone. Refuge has a 24 hour helpline. Good luck and stay safe.