Pregnancy- unsupportive partner

[Sugarsad]

Im in my 3rd trimester - been struggling with pregnancy complications and feel completely unsupported by my partner.

we have a 3 year old and both work (me part time) - but my partner see’s my health issues as inconvenient and i can tell he is resentful when i ask for help.

Morning’s are the worst for me - im still throwing up alot and it makes it difficult to get my son ready so i asked my partner to let me lie down if he could help. I can hear him getting frustrated and struggling to get my son ready to the point it’s just not worth it but he seems to think this makes him a martyr - that looking after his own child in the morning is a big deal and speaks about it like i should be so grateful.

When i asked if he could stick some chicken in for dinner whilst i got a shower after work his reaction was to say did he have to do everything from early morning - even though our child was at childcare and my partner didnt get in until 6pm - i also worked a full day.

When i told him about new pregnancy complications i was told about today - he didnt ask about me or baby he said that was one more thing for me to complain about / another reason not to give hom attention. Admittedly i havent been giving him much attention because of how ill i’ve been.

We had a disagreement this morning preceding these particular reactions because i said i’ll be getting up in future to support because of how stressful the morning was getting our son ready which he didnt take well.

I know he was annoyed but i always thought you put your shit aside when it comes to news like health issues and support the person but he cant seem to let anything go and has zero empathy or consideration for me - its left me so sad and feeling so alone and unsupported .

i feel so let down - im struggling with the stress of this pregnancy and anxiety from previous birth and miscarriage trauma where i nearly bled to death. Its actually so embarrassing to admit how he is treating me and i cant talk to anyone about it. I know this isn’t normal but i don't understand the complete lack of consideration on his part - i just couldn't imagine treating someone like this at their most vulnerable.

sorry this more of a rant but im scared i cant forgive all this - has anyone came out the other side ok after something similar?

You need to sit him down and explain all of this again. I do not excuse his behaviour at all but he may be struggling with the complications and the previous miscarriage. I say this as I had a very difficult pregnancy with a lot of problems which upset my dh more than I realised and I didn’t like asking about appointments as he was afraid of what was happening next.

Sit down and create a plan together of who sorts the 3year old and who sorts dinner. Work together to try manage the house and your child. It’s hard having a difficult pregnancy and needing time to rest so factor that into the timetable.

I know you don’t want to tell others but it might help to get support, do you have any close family and friends who could take your child for a bit so you can rest and maybe you two could go out for a while as a couple?

How he js treating you isn’t right and you dont deserve it, has it always been like this?

Thanks for sharing your experience. He’s not like this all the time but stressful situations like this he clams up and tends to just focus on how the situation is effecting him - not his best quality.

When the dust settles i will try talking with him thanks - its been difficult with childcare we dont go out at all and your right a date night would be a good idea / a plan.

Christ imagine if you or the children have a long lasting illness - just being made to feel like inconveniences all the time and the kids growing up knowing they have to tip toe around certain issues so as not to set off Dad…

@Sugarsad what’s he generally like when you are ill or of you have covid?

what’s he like when he’s the one that’s ill? Is he a dressing gown of doom/at deaths door for the slightest thing?

I’d be asking him to seek some help on managing his emotions and empathy for others to ensure you have a long lasting and loving relationship…

illness is a generally accepted part of life. He has to accept it and handle it better and learn to be a better partner and father.

and perhaps if he’s so unfamiliar with getting his own child ready in the mornings then he should be doing more with his child as a permanent thing… not just a whilst mummy’s ill thing.