Starting over again - how to make friends

[Blackatz]

Split up from my partner. I’m very lonely and over the years my friends have moved away or gotten busy with their family lives. I’m on my own.

I’m due to start a new job, so I may meet new people who could become friends that way. I’m 40. I go to the gym. That’s about it.

What else can I do to meet new people and fill my life with social activities?

I’m not too much of an extrovert but I don’t like being lonely and without anyone.

It is never wise to ditch your friends when you have a partner . Always keep both .

I would go to the pub - always meet people that way !

You sound positive and that’s a good start.

People like people they perceive to be happy, positive and popular. Aim for those vibes.

Do a hobby out of the house. Almost anything. Do more than one so you can discuss A hobby when out at B hobby and vice versa.

Hey Blackatz
It’s difficult when life moves forward and suddenly you feel alone. Hope you’re doing ok.
There’s a website called Meet-up where people arrange stuff and you can join, or you can create a meet up for people to attend. This can be anything from pub socials to walking to cinema etc. Maybe have a look at that. Also social sports teams can be great.
Good luck, hopefully your new colleagues are friendly too!

Look at the 'getting a life thread' post from tonight

join various things eg a hobby youve always wanted to do like photography, walking, running- there are lots of groups around.

You could also volunteer at local events eg if you live in a village they would have things going on

start an evening course in a subject youve always wanted to know more about for either career or pleasure

best of luck 🤞

If you are fit and active then joining a club such is a running club, triathlon club etc is a great way to meet people

Hopefully you will make friends at your new job too

IME once you are an adult then work and hobbies are the best way to make new friends

Choirs, swing dance lessons and am dram always seem to be very sociable and good for making friends rather than just getting together to do the hobby.

It is never wise to ditch your friends when you have a partner . Always keep both .

Well award goes to the comment that's as useful as a chocolate teapot. I'm sure OP just fancied getting a cheeky wee split from her ex and, you know, just chucked her friends away. I mean really, read what she's actually written!

Does your gym run classes, that could be a good way to meet people?

Turning an acquaintance into friend - ask them to help you do something. Perhaps an afternoon in the garden with the offer of a meal at the end.

I have hobbies and have not ‘made’ a friend from them. Work - yes.

I have hobbies and have not ‘made’ a friend from them

I have made three good friends over the years at various gyms I’ve joined. I’m in my 50’s now and have found aqua aerobic classes particularly social.

I have moved countries a lot and the best thing to do (for me anyway) is to forget about needing friends and focus on making lots of aquaintances. I do that by finding things that I'm interested in and turning up to everything. Then I have short conversations, like maybe only a couple of sentences, mostly focused on whatever the common interest is. I don't want to seem needy or have people feel that they will be trapped into a long conversation if they acknowledge me. As people get more used to seeing your face the conversations will get longer.

I'm an introvert so it the initial stage that I really have to push myself for, I am really uncomfortable in an unfamiliar place with people I don't know but who possibly know each other. It gets easier over time.

Go out and do things you enjoy - or think you might enjoy.
That way, you have enjoyed running or singing or sewing, or gardening, or chatting to people or fundraising or coaching or Leading a youth group or learning new skill even if you don't particularly hit it off with anyone.

Making friends is a bit of a numbers game. Generally, when you are part of a group, everyone will be polite and welcoming on a surface level, then some people you get to know better, and only some of those you really hit it off with and think you'd like to see them outside of the group as well, maybe.
Real friendships just evolve naturally over time - don't expect instant "friends" but you can enjoy what you are doing in the meantime.

We don't know what that might be - sport ? choir ? volunteering (thousands of different ways) ? sewing or some other crafting ? (Or, if you can sew, something focused like asking a local drama or musical group if they need any help with costumes), WI or Townswomens Guild or other social womens groups ? Campaign Groups - political or for any one of hundreds of causes ? Fundraising Groups ? Something outdoors like climbing or rambling ? Wild swimming ?

Do you have any old friendships you can revive? I let a few of my friendships slide for a few years for various reasons but managed to revive them.

It wouldn’t work for everyone but I was always very into dance and soul music so I looked on Fb for festivals and events and joined the groups.
I then messaged someone who was had a space on their apartment for a weekend soul event and shared with 3 other ladies. While I was there I went out my way to chat to people and added loads on Fb.

it was hard at first and I had to push myself but I’ve now got a lovely group of friends I’ve made through going to music events but taken the friendships away from that and become real friends.

I just wanted to say that it's absolutely possible to make friends through your hobbies (I have made several friends through my hobbies) - but sometimes it takes time! You can meet a lot of people that you really like, but it may take a few years before you really become FRIENDS. You start out as "friendly people with the same hobby who likes to hang out", but one day you wake up and think, "Wow, that person is really my friend!".

Good luck, OP!

Samba drumming is good fun if you've got a local group. The Ramblers are welcoming if you like walking, or google local bike rides, knit and natters, WI, art groups, volunteering, an allotment or community garden.

Whatever floats your boat! The world's your oyster OP. Congratulations on your freedom, I really do hope you grow into it and find your thing. Good luck and have fun.

Joining a book group can be really good, people usually go to make friends and drink wine - it’s rarely about the books but that gives a nice starting point! Also check Facebook for local friendship groups, where I live there’s a group that meets up for coffees, go to gigs together etc.

Also not for everyone but… get a dog - they are the best ice breakers and you start to become friendly with other dog owners. Plus you get to have a dog, I mean that’s brilliant isn’t it!

Really good advice!