At the beginning of the year my long term partner walked out on us leaving me with two young children to parent virtually solo. He works away and pops back for the odd week here and there but does roughly three month stretches between contact.
I am really grieving for the life I thought we had that turned out to be a giant lie. He left for another women, but since then it turns out he had been cheating with various women over the years whilst away and I had no idea.
I feel exhausted all of the time. I feel like I am moody and grumpy and not the person I know I am deep down because I am just so tired. I am so angry at this man that has just abandoned us like we meant nothing without a backwards glance. I honestly thought I knew him and I never in a million years expected to be a single parent to such young children. We waited 8 years before we had children so we didn’t rush into things either. I just feel so deeply sad and like I am failing at everything. That I have failed my children. that I must be awful that it must be my fault.
I can’t see the light through the trees so to speak. And I feel like life is a giant slog and I can’t enjoy the kids how I want to because I’m just permanently tired. I am so low. Already on antidepressants.
meanwhile it feels like my partner has already moved on and is so happy with his other women and acting like he is so free of all responsibilities. Of course other women lives on a different continent so now the very limited time he does have he spends splitting between chasing this women and his kids. It’s utterly depressing.