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Relationships

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Single parenting following an affair

3 replies

Thelyingtoad · 08/08/2023 20:25

At the beginning of the year my long term partner walked out on us leaving me with two young children to parent virtually solo. He works away and pops back for the odd week here and there but does roughly three month stretches between contact.

I am really grieving for the life I thought we had that turned out to be a giant lie. He left for another women, but since then it turns out he had been cheating with various women over the years whilst away and I had no idea.

I feel exhausted all of the time. I feel like I am moody and grumpy and not the person I know I am deep down because I am just so tired. I am so angry at this man that has just abandoned us like we meant nothing without a backwards glance. I honestly thought I knew him and I never in a million years expected to be a single parent to such young children. We waited 8 years before we had children so we didn’t rush into things either. I just feel so deeply sad and like I am failing at everything. That I have failed my children. that I must be awful that it must be my fault.

I can’t see the light through the trees so to speak. And I feel like life is a giant slog and I can’t enjoy the kids how I want to because I’m just permanently tired. I am so low. Already on antidepressants.

meanwhile it feels like my partner has already moved on and is so happy with his other women and acting like he is so free of all responsibilities. Of course other women lives on a different continent so now the very limited time he does have he spends splitting between chasing this women and his kids. It’s utterly depressing.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 08/08/2023 20:29

You haven't failed your children. You didn't break your family up. You didn't abandon them. You didn't hurt their other parent. You have done absolutely nothing wrong.

When you say he comes back, does he come back to your home? Has he removed his belongings? Is he still financially contributing?

Thelyingtoad · 08/08/2023 20:38

Has removed his stuff well his clothes, he apparently did not want anything else. We don’t stay together in the same house he temporary rents holiday type homes for a week or two before flying off again.

He is financially contributing so I can’t complain there. But the general slog is just exhausting.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 08/08/2023 21:05

You need to go easy on yourself. You're in a situation that is not where you expected to be. It will take time. At least your ex is contributing financially so that is one less thing to worry about for the moment.

However if he is now based on another continent, you really need to think about what you will do if he stops paying.

Do you work? How old are your children? How long before they go to school, and you can work full time?

I think you need to make a longer term plan. Think about a timescale for returning to work. Decide whether you want to stay where you are or move closer to family? Would they be able to help with the children? You need to think, now, what will be best for you and the children, not what will suit him.

You will feel better when you've built a plan that doesn't revolve around him. And build in a couple of things to look forward to. Good luck

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