Relationship 'tick' lists (33f)

[Newuserbekind]

Hi,

So I'm 34 in November and I can't help but comparing my life to others who have the life I thought I'd have by my age, such as engaged and married in their late 20's, children after that.

I'm 33 and even though I own a house and I have a stable career and I have financial stability with a good amount of savings, a car, I have a partner but I'm not engaged, married, kids, it feels like I'm falling behind, it's making me feel anxious, feel down about getting older and thinking my time is almost up for living a life. I think it's my anxieties taking over me and worrying that my life will go by so quickly and I won't have achieved anything. My parents keep putting pressure on me having children and that they aren't getting any younger which makes me feel worse.

I know comparing myself to others, I could be worse off but right now these are my feelings. Can anyone help alleviate my worries?

Am I too late?

These thoughts seem to be impacting my daily mood and consuming my daily thoughts the past few weeks.

No it's not too late at all. I had my first at 35, got married at 37, had my second at 38.
However, you and your partner need to be on the same page. Does he also want marriage and children? If not, then you need to question whether this is the right relationship for you.

Do you even want children?
Tell them to knock it the fuck off. I'd actually tell them we didn't want children just to serve them right for their pressuring. True or not.

I don't understand though, you sound wayyyy ahead in life.

Time almost up in life? Thats insane. You are only 33 You could live to 103 these days.

And you've so much time to go off on adventures and make something of yourself. Especially without kids holding you back.

I think that's what you need - an adventure!
Something to make you feel alive again.
Get you our of your own head.

People like to tell you what you're 'supposed' to do or want. Life doesn't have to fit the same narrative for everyone.

Comparison is the thief of joy .

It doesn’t matter what others are doing .

We have spoken about marriage before. He currently has a child with someone else and we have her regularly and he loves having her . Earlier in the relationship we spoke more about it, he was a bit hesitant in between but we have seen lots of our friends with babies now and he says to her if me and him should have a baby and stuff, he is just aware of how hard work having a child is and worries I think about how we would manage. His parents are no longer here and my mum struggles and we both work full time to stay afloat.

Maybe don't have one then..?

If you really want something though then take it. 'Hey so I'd like to get married this year because I want to start trying for a baby next year. Does this work for you?'

Kid wise...tbh it sounds like he doesn't want more.

You need Frank discussions and straight answers. And if you're on the same page, you can then start taking steps.

I'm so sorry I don't know how to reply to your comment directly.

Sometimes myself I'm dead set that I want children and other times I like when my stepdaughter goes home and it's just me and him but then I flitter between the two.

I love him more than anything, honestly he makes me
So happy. we work together in a local company which makes it harder if we ever were to split. Right now our relationship is rocky as his parent is end of life care so I think his response is making me question every thing. Not that I'm by any means the most important in that.

Ah so maybe not the easiest time to get an answer from him on things...

How long have you been together though?

See the 3 dots at the bottom right of every reply you get,you click on those and then click on quote to reply. Or simply type @Pinkbonbon or whomever you are replying to.

@Pinkbonbon 4 years and we went through covid etc together. We have spoken about marriage a lot and stuff and even kids at the beginning and 2 years in but it's not something we've spoken about more recently.

No, it's such a tough time. He's completely isolated himself and it'll get worse so I see myself alone again soon...

Sounds like things have maybe ran their course.

But you'll kick yourself if you don't make the effort to talk with him. Once and for all. Sit it down and tell him that as much as you love him it feels like he's isolated himself and you two need to resolve things and talk or you'll have to call it a day. Because you can't live your life in the ghost of a happy relationship.