Why can’t I leave her?

[lostsoul88]

I’ve been in a relationship with someone for 7 months. I’ve had so many red flags I’m starting to think I live in China.
so many people are telling me to bin it and yet for some reason I can’t.
we recently went through a pregnancy/miscarriage which was very stressful. I was and still am 100% supporting my GF.
I can see the lies right in front of me and yet let them all go in the vain hope I’m wrong or she’s just confused about stuff. (Like today she’s said she’s at work but I know she’s not, and this morning she went by her exes house for ‘30 mins’ but I know she was there for 3-4 hours.
don’t worry I’m not stalking her. Today she told me her ex was mad about her bad schedule keeping regarding their son and yet she has terrible time keeping and messes him about all the time.
she even asked if we could go away Thursday and when I asked about childcare she said she would tell her ex she was working. It’s all making me very uncomfortable and yet again “I JUST CANT SEEM TO WALK AWAY?”

Advice please?

Don't walk, ruuuuuun! Before there's another pregnancy scare.

What's the issue? Do you live together?
Are you unsure how to word the break up?

Why can't you leave her? Because, despite what other people are telling you to do, you haven't had enough of her lies yet.

Have you asked her why she lies?

Your heart is ruling your head.
Sounds like you have psychological needs which for whatever reason this relationship connects with and makes it hard for you to walk away even when any sane person would.
You should read up on the relationship dynamics you have.
Do you have a bit of a saviour complex, do you need to be needed. Is her treatment of you familiar to that of your main care giver growing up so feels familiar and good even though it's not...
Once you've unpicked why you're drawn in instead of repelled you should be able to unhook the power it has on your impulses and start to escape.
Whatever you do don't get her pregnant!!

Thanks that does make a bit of sense. I am a very giving person. I have three grown up children and am always bailing them out and my brother who has difficulties with money.
I somehow feel responsible for her even though my logical brain is questioning why.

Maybe google can help!

Run and don't look back. Don't do what I did and ignore your gut, you'll get trapped and or eventually burned.

Is it moving really fast, amazing when you're together and like nothing else experienced before?

OP you've posted about this before and the advice was to leave her as she was continually lying and messing with your head. If l remember correctly you'd given her your new car to drive ( even though she had one of her own) which had left you without transport. Seriously, she is using you and treating you like a fool, and you are letting her.
End the relationship and get some counselling for your issues, this is a very unhealthy dynamic.

She put a love spell on you.
You may laugh but I had one done on me before.

You need counselling. Now. Work on yourself. You are feeding your shot self-esteem by enabling others. You need to stop the martyr bullshit. It won’t make people like you. It has the opposite effect. Establish boundaries before you even contemplate another romantic relationship.

Look up trauma bonding - you'll get your answers. Good luck OP

You don't need Google, you need to end it.

And FGS don't get her pregnant. Really, really don't.

You don't owe her anything. This is about you and not wanting to be alone.

Always, always use contraception! Every single time.

You are being taken for a mug. No one respects that. In sure there are really understandable reasons why you connect to people this way. Likely, partly how you're wired and partly your formative experiences...
This is damaging to you though.
One, because people's natural responses to receiving too much forgiveness/money/help whatever, is usually, to devalue you except where you are a supply of those things and do just enough to keep the flow coming.
Two, because you're not getting to be one half of a relationship which is based on mutual respect and trust. You are in a give and take relationship, you give, they take.
Three, if the chips were down for you it would be no surprise if these people failed to show up for you because you are setting your role up as a cash cow and they can get away with being rubbish.
Four, the direction of your life is at the mercy of the whims of people with only their own selfish interests at heart. If this lying user woman you are with gets the whiff you might detach, she'll probably throw herself into keeping you in the hook, emotional manipulation here you come which may or may not include a surprise pregnancy.

Google if you need to check out the language for the emotional entanglement you're in, but use that language to pull on resources to free yourself and opens the possibility of better in the future... Or stay as you are and suffer slowly as you are fleeced, used, disrespected and most importantly - not properly loved.

I think you've posted about this 'relationship' before? You are being lied to and used. On the last thread, all advice was to end it.