What does enmeshment look like ...

[bluevelvetshewore]

In a man of 50, who lives surrounded by family ?
What are abnormal/ normal interactions in your opinion?
For example... walking in and out of each others houses unannounced.
Renting off family but family controls who lives their, who visits etc?
Having meals in various houses of siblings every day ?
All normal to you ?

It's not my bag, but it's also not hard to imagine that's how some people are. In some cultures it's very normal.

It's not my bag either. I find it weird tbh. Is any of this normal or am I just on my own and too independent for so long?

It's not my bag either. I find it weird tbh. Is any of this normal or am I just on my own and too independent for so long?

Every family has different dynamics. My DH is Indian and his family would be like that if we lived close to them.

That's not necessarily enmeshed. That's just a close knit family.
Enmeshment refers to the emotional side of things. Like co-dependency. Mother and son as primary relationship for example. Or displaced loyalty- 'If X doesn't like Y, then I don't like them either'.
Not being able to have healthy boundaries as boundaries are demonized in those kind of families.

Just living close by, sharing meals etc doesn't mean anything.

It isn't a cultural thing.
Our culture is more nuclear family than traditional.
I've genuinely come across this before. It seems really controlling and infantilising.

I'm trying to think of ther examples.
Ringing his mother and calling into her every day.
Not telling them about personal achievements for fear of them not approving.
No t telling them about a new partner for fear of them being appalled that he'd moved on too soon.
Mother controlling decoration of his new build and fighting with anyone who disagrees.
No t being able to talk on this phone to anyone without interrogation.
Maybe this is normal for some but I'm actually shocked.

I’m witnessing a similar situation which has unfolded over 2 years. I am literally shocked as are my near and dear who I’ve confided in. I cannot believe enmeshed families don’t see it. And in my case it seems to be the norm and just a family stick together thing but omg it’s SO SO much more and one of the unhealthiest situations I’ve ever come across - it’s like a cult imo. I’m ready to run for the hills tbh. My counselling has helped me work through things and see it all more clearly. I’m not going to give examples for fear of losing anonymity. The difference between being a close family and an enmeshed family is very obvious once you have a real understanding of what enmeshment is.