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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling anxious and unhappy

4 replies

fluffbear123 · 08/08/2023 06:45

Hi all a bit of a long thread but if anyone can offer any advice I would appreciate it greatly. So I have 3 adult children all independent the last one is buying her own home soon so it will leave the nest empty.
Their dad and i separated amicably years ago when they were younger and I bought my own house from the proceeds of the matrimonial home we shared.
I remarried after a couple of years to someone who has no assets due to gambling debts which I only discovered by accident 5 years ago through opening his mail. This caused us to separate for awhile as i felt utterly betrayed and unable to be around him. He stayed at his parents home for awhile but we eventually found our way back together and he moved back in.
Last year I discovered messages on his phone to an ex GF and when confronted said he had been helping her out as her husband had beaten her up and left her. We have been separated for 8 months now because of this. He lives with his parents and we see each other for nights out as we are working at saving the relationship. We've had a good marriage with lots of of fun and good times. when the two bad bits are removed i just feel stuck at the moment.
I sold my long term home 3 months ago and am now mortgage free I can afford to live alone. Youngest is about to move into own home and I'll be on my own. I don't want to lose another marriage I'd rather work at it but I feel sad and alone. I'm coming up to retirement age and never imagined it would be like this. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 08/08/2023 06:57

So you married and now he’s due 50% of what you have, or have you ring fenced it ?

fluffbear123 · 08/08/2023 07:26

I moved here on my own and he has agreed like before with my previous property to sign a post nup agreement. Everything is in my name owned outright by me.

OP posts:
EllenVannen · 08/08/2023 07:32

So he had gambling debts, which he hid and then he possibly cheated on you?

OP please wake up and smell the coffee. Your DH has shown himself to be sneaky and not to be trusted.

We've had a good marriage with lots of of fun and good times. when the two bad bits are removed. The 'bad bits' are part of the marriage, you can't just discount them like that.

So has he paid off his gambling debts and can you trust him not to associate with other women?

Personally I'd cut my losses.

TheSilentSister · 09/08/2023 00:50

Oh please don't go back to living with him. Can't you just see each other as companions? Or better still, divorce and find someone you can have a wonderful retirement with, someone who doesn't lie or sneak around with ex's. Don't settle just because of your age.

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